Sarging Log: Learning to become a Pick-up Artist

Here goes my first post. I had thought about blogging, but never actually made the effort to research some sites. I found a link to a blog from a woman named Rachel that posts on Flyertalk. To make a comment to one of her posts, I had to create an account, so then naturally I figured I might as well start my log since I now have an account here. That's one reason, but another one is that it's 8am and I should be in bed. Yes, normal people get up now and head to work, but I'm on a vampire schedule. Actually, I'm trying to get on a 2-3am to 12-1pm sleep schedule, but that effort is failing miserably. I went to sleep at 2am only to wake up at 5am. Now, I know if I go to sleep, I'll end up sleeping until late afternoon :( I want to sleep the hours above because the poker games are crappy from 6-11am so I might as well be sleeping. Since I can't sleep, I'm now doing unproductive things like surfing flyertalk and twoplustwo, writing this blog and talking to my cats.

My life is chaotic and filled with efforts to structure it. Failed efforts something as simple as setting a sleep schedule make me question this lifestyle. I gave up more lucrative opportunities in the real world so that I could work for myself and set my own hours. I think I've taken that idea to the extreme in the past and now I'm paying for it by struggling to take my life in the direction I really want it to go. I wasted 6 months by not working and playing World of Warcraft last year. I took too much time off in general, probably because of laziness, but I justified it by saying that I could do so because I'm my own boss. I don't usually set alarms so my sleep schedule gets screwed because I just get up whenever I feel I'm not tired anymore.

I decided to avoid the real world and I thought it was great idea, not only because of the above, but because I thought I'd kill the games. I read the young punks at twoplustwo and remember that I was one too. I see people posting there about how much they are beating the games or how easy it is to make money playing cards. I guess it's time to prove it to myself and to the people in my life that this isn't some mediocre way to make money. Instead, I have to show that it really can be at least comparable to what I could have done with my life.

I guess I'm questioning all of this here also because of what happened with my on and off girlfriend Beata. Her birthday was this past weekend and she says I messed things up. She said I didn't buy her a card, didn't take her to theatre, and didn't buy her anything. Additionally, she said I didn't do anything for our two year anniversay. Well, to my credit, her criticisms aren't totally true. I didn't get her an actual card, but I did send her flowers to her work on Friday. We then went to Galena, IL and Apple River Canyon State Park on Saturday. We didn't do anything Sunday, but she has told me for the past two weeks that she was going to be busy with her family. Then she calls me Sunday and wants to go for ice cream, and then is upset that I can't be at her place within a half hour. She didn't like my explanation that I had to take a shower, drive to pick up this desert at Gibson's in Rosemont, and drive to her place, and that would be impossible in a half hour.

After all the discussion, I finally came to a key point. I had heard that you know a relationship is over when you get into a fight and find that you really don't care. When the fight started, I came up with all these reasons (Beata called them excuses) for why I didn't make her birthday more enjoyable. After going through them all, I came to the number one reason, which is I just didn't care to make the effort to do so. Why should I buy gifts, or go the extra distance when she's been treating me poorly and we've been fighting all the time. Saturday, I even find out she's been talking to her ex-boyfriend, Phil, and she finds nothing wrong with it. This is the same girl who ruined a relationship I had with a lifelong female friend because Beata said it was inappropriate for me to continue to talk to that person. This is the same Beata that complained to me that Phil wouldn't stop bothering her. Maybe if you never called him back, he's stop bothering you, Beata.

My conclusion to all of this is that I obviously need to take some control of my life. Maybe that's the real reason I've started this blog. It gives me a chance to reflect on events and I'm forced to analyze them. Oh well, off to bed. I haven't won the sleep battle, but at least I'm making progress on other fronts.

Vote on Beata's picture on hotornot.com.