Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Everthing Intertwines with Inner Game
I felt pretty good for the past few days. It's funny b/c I haven't even hit a winning streak in poker. I thought that's what it would take to get me back on track. All I've done is stop the hemmoraging. I've broke even for the past few sessions, but I've actually been able to put in some serious sessions without getting pissed or distraught.
What has changed my mood?
Well, not losing has helped, but I think I've changed my attitude. I've been doing my best not to entertain negative thoughts. Over the past three months, I did the opposite. I pondered those thoughts and I really do think that entertaining them leads you to believe them. I told myself that I suck at sarging, suck at poker, and suck at life. Very depressing stuff.
I worked out Saturday. That felt great. Then, I went to Chinatown for the birthday dinner. It felt good to socialize as I hadn't been talking to anyone besides my mother. I played Saturday and I just decided that I needed to believe in myself. I hit a good streak at the beginning of my poker session, but then ended up losing for the night. Strangely, I was still in a good mood. A good player is supposed to not let his results affect his mood. Check that one. Also, as I felt more confident while I was playing, I played better. I was more agressive and I see how I cost myself money by being passive and just absorbing bets.
On Monday, I worked out and worked. Today, I worked out and went to dinner with a Flyertalker.
When I was riding that wave, these things would seem like normal events and they are, except that my mood had been taking a dive after any high points (as small as they were). I now realize how everything is related. It starts at inner game, and everything weaves itself together and snowballs towards either the positive or the negative. I started having a better attitude and believing in myself (that's the core of inner game). I started eating better. I noticed that when I was sick, I just ate more. I know that when I don't work out, I try to replicate the good feelings that I get through food, and it's completely counterproductive. I feel worse b/c I know I'm getting fatter. My body feels lethargic from too much food. I need to sleep more and I don't feel like working out b/c I feel like I'm tired all the time. That causes me to eat more to try to make myself feel better.
As I feel better from not being lethargic, I find that I want to work out. As I work out I feel better about myself and I want to eat better. My body feels better and I find that I need less sleep. Since I'm sleeping less, I have more time in the day, which includes time for working out.
I just have to make sure I maintain this momentum. I know that I can get busted up at work on any given day, and I need to make sure that won't affect my mood. I need to forget about mistakes I've made this past year and focus on doing the right thing.
As Sidegames used to tell me, which he learned from AA:
I have to take things on day at a time.
I'm not going to repair all that I've messed up, but I can make sure that today, I'm going to move in the right direction. If I move in the right direction each day, no matter how small of a move it is, then I can be happy that I'm making progress. I need to remember that I can't move backwards. I can't entertain those negative thoughts as that's moving the wrong way. As I've seen firsthand, it's easy to sink into a dark hole when you let yourself move in the wrong direction.
I felt pretty good for the past few days. It's funny b/c I haven't even hit a winning streak in poker. I thought that's what it would take to get me back on track. All I've done is stop the hemmoraging. I've broke even for the past few sessions, but I've actually been able to put in some serious sessions without getting pissed or distraught.
What has changed my mood?
Well, not losing has helped, but I think I've changed my attitude. I've been doing my best not to entertain negative thoughts. Over the past three months, I did the opposite. I pondered those thoughts and I really do think that entertaining them leads you to believe them. I told myself that I suck at sarging, suck at poker, and suck at life. Very depressing stuff.
I worked out Saturday. That felt great. Then, I went to Chinatown for the birthday dinner. It felt good to socialize as I hadn't been talking to anyone besides my mother. I played Saturday and I just decided that I needed to believe in myself. I hit a good streak at the beginning of my poker session, but then ended up losing for the night. Strangely, I was still in a good mood. A good player is supposed to not let his results affect his mood. Check that one. Also, as I felt more confident while I was playing, I played better. I was more agressive and I see how I cost myself money by being passive and just absorbing bets.
On Monday, I worked out and worked. Today, I worked out and went to dinner with a Flyertalker.
When I was riding that wave, these things would seem like normal events and they are, except that my mood had been taking a dive after any high points (as small as they were). I now realize how everything is related. It starts at inner game, and everything weaves itself together and snowballs towards either the positive or the negative. I started having a better attitude and believing in myself (that's the core of inner game). I started eating better. I noticed that when I was sick, I just ate more. I know that when I don't work out, I try to replicate the good feelings that I get through food, and it's completely counterproductive. I feel worse b/c I know I'm getting fatter. My body feels lethargic from too much food. I need to sleep more and I don't feel like working out b/c I feel like I'm tired all the time. That causes me to eat more to try to make myself feel better.
As I feel better from not being lethargic, I find that I want to work out. As I work out I feel better about myself and I want to eat better. My body feels better and I find that I need less sleep. Since I'm sleeping less, I have more time in the day, which includes time for working out.
I just have to make sure I maintain this momentum. I know that I can get busted up at work on any given day, and I need to make sure that won't affect my mood. I need to forget about mistakes I've made this past year and focus on doing the right thing.
As Sidegames used to tell me, which he learned from AA:
I have to take things on day at a time.
I'm not going to repair all that I've messed up, but I can make sure that today, I'm going to move in the right direction. If I move in the right direction each day, no matter how small of a move it is, then I can be happy that I'm making progress. I need to remember that I can't move backwards. I can't entertain those negative thoughts as that's moving the wrong way. As I've seen firsthand, it's easy to sink into a dark hole when you let yourself move in the wrong direction.
The Year in Review
It's a new year for me. It probably seems strange that I'm celebrating the new year in October, but as many of you know, I started my PUA journey last year. I went out for Ajay's birthday and open my first sets there. Along the way, I learned many things about life and I improved myself in ways I never imagined possible. I was riding such a high and I thought I'd be a great PUA by this anniversary.
Alas, life throws its curveballs as I've described in some of my recent posts. I've been in a downcycle and I haven't even been logging on here. There wasn't much to write about. I didn't want to write about my depressing life. As theapeutic as this blog is, I know that writing my depressing feelings would only make me feel worse. It would also make any reads feel worse, and who wants to get more depressed?
Ajay had his annual Halloween party this past Saturday and I didn't attend. Well, I went to eat in Chinatown but I ditched the bar outing. I had a legitimate reason . I had to play like a madman on Pokerstars to ensure that I'd become a Platinum Star. Also, I knew I was going to have a terrible night. I hadn't been sarging in weeks, and my last two attempts have been horrible. I knew that I had to improve my inner game before I could even attempt to get back in the field.
It's a new year for me. It probably seems strange that I'm celebrating the new year in October, but as many of you know, I started my PUA journey last year. I went out for Ajay's birthday and open my first sets there. Along the way, I learned many things about life and I improved myself in ways I never imagined possible. I was riding such a high and I thought I'd be a great PUA by this anniversary.
Alas, life throws its curveballs as I've described in some of my recent posts. I've been in a downcycle and I haven't even been logging on here. There wasn't much to write about. I didn't want to write about my depressing life. As theapeutic as this blog is, I know that writing my depressing feelings would only make me feel worse. It would also make any reads feel worse, and who wants to get more depressed?
Ajay had his annual Halloween party this past Saturday and I didn't attend. Well, I went to eat in Chinatown but I ditched the bar outing. I had a legitimate reason . I had to play like a madman on Pokerstars to ensure that I'd become a Platinum Star. Also, I knew I was going to have a terrible night. I hadn't been sarging in weeks, and my last two attempts have been horrible. I knew that I had to improve my inner game before I could even attempt to get back in the field.
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
Where I've been:
I've decided to start posting in this blog again. I actually like the anonymity that I had on this blog. At some point early this summer, I stopped posting here and instead started posting in my myspace blog. Then, when I hit a rough patch in my life, I stopped posting in both blogs. I feel that I would have posted more during this time if I had kept the blog here, but I was less excited about posting in myspace. My friends read that blog regularly and my identity was out in the open.
I'm going to post in both blogs again. Many of the entries will be the same as it's so easy to just cut and past entries. Sometimes I'll post additional entries here since this is less known to my friends.
Here's in my latest entry:
My life has resembled the Arizona Cardinals Season:
The mishaps of the Arizona Cardinals made for an exciting football game and it also reminded me of the lesson I've been trying to ingrain in my head. It goes back to that book I keep mentioning (the title which still eludes me). Tonight we saw the Cardinals blow another huge lead for the second week in a row. They kept finding a way to lose. In contrast, we saw the Bears find yet another way to win a game they should have lost (another one was the Vikings game).
Anyway, I've had poor inner game the past few months and a losing attitude. I've been depressed and I kept finding a way to be miserable. I've even sick with a cold again, for third time in less than two months. That's amazing considering I haven't been going out to the bars. In fact, I don't leave the house much since I work at home and this means I should get sick less often since I'm exposed to fewer germs.
Sure, things went bad in August, but I let my losing mentality keep me miserable. I failed to appreciate the positives that happened. In my last blog entry, I was beginning to see the light, but the trip to Florida turned out to be a nightmare. I figured it wouldn't be fun, but my stepfather turned out to be a bigger jerk that I anticipated he would be.
There were some real lows for me on the trip and it was so bad that I didn't even want to come on here and write about them. I probably should have because I know that writing these entries do make me feel better.
So, what's the solution? It's the same. I need to work continue to work out because that always makes me feel better. Too bad this cold is going to prevent me from doing that for a few days. The main thing, I need to do is get rid of those negative thoughts. When I'm feeling like this, I something think all the inner game stuff I read is New Age BS, but I really believe it works.
I know this for sure right now. Continuing to think negative thoughts sure doesn't lead to a winning attitude. Negative thoughts and a losing attitudes leads to more misery.
I must give myself credit today. I've been working on not indulging my negative thoughts and that the first time I've done that in a long time. The life I've been leading for the past two months is not me. Maybe it was me years ago, but I changed a lot this past year. I'm more that new person than I am this old me that I have reverted to but I don't know how many weeks or months it's going to take me to break out of this slump.
I've decided to start posting in this blog again. I actually like the anonymity that I had on this blog. At some point early this summer, I stopped posting here and instead started posting in my myspace blog. Then, when I hit a rough patch in my life, I stopped posting in both blogs. I feel that I would have posted more during this time if I had kept the blog here, but I was less excited about posting in myspace. My friends read that blog regularly and my identity was out in the open.
I'm going to post in both blogs again. Many of the entries will be the same as it's so easy to just cut and past entries. Sometimes I'll post additional entries here since this is less known to my friends.
Here's in my latest entry:
My life has resembled the Arizona Cardinals Season:
The mishaps of the Arizona Cardinals made for an exciting football game and it also reminded me of the lesson I've been trying to ingrain in my head. It goes back to that book I keep mentioning (the title which still eludes me). Tonight we saw the Cardinals blow another huge lead for the second week in a row. They kept finding a way to lose. In contrast, we saw the Bears find yet another way to win a game they should have lost (another one was the Vikings game).
Anyway, I've had poor inner game the past few months and a losing attitude. I've been depressed and I kept finding a way to be miserable. I've even sick with a cold again, for third time in less than two months. That's amazing considering I haven't been going out to the bars. In fact, I don't leave the house much since I work at home and this means I should get sick less often since I'm exposed to fewer germs.
Sure, things went bad in August, but I let my losing mentality keep me miserable. I failed to appreciate the positives that happened. In my last blog entry, I was beginning to see the light, but the trip to Florida turned out to be a nightmare. I figured it wouldn't be fun, but my stepfather turned out to be a bigger jerk that I anticipated he would be.
There were some real lows for me on the trip and it was so bad that I didn't even want to come on here and write about them. I probably should have because I know that writing these entries do make me feel better.
So, what's the solution? It's the same. I need to work continue to work out because that always makes me feel better. Too bad this cold is going to prevent me from doing that for a few days. The main thing, I need to do is get rid of those negative thoughts. When I'm feeling like this, I something think all the inner game stuff I read is New Age BS, but I really believe it works.
I know this for sure right now. Continuing to think negative thoughts sure doesn't lead to a winning attitude. Negative thoughts and a losing attitudes leads to more misery.
I must give myself credit today. I've been working on not indulging my negative thoughts and that the first time I've done that in a long time. The life I've been leading for the past two months is not me. Maybe it was me years ago, but I changed a lot this past year. I'm more that new person than I am this old me that I have reverted to but I don't know how many weeks or months it's going to take me to break out of this slump.
