Sarging Log: Learning to become a Pick-up Artist

Construction & Sleep Schedule:

My sleep schedule has been interrupted by construction across the street. An empty lot that is directly across the street from my building is finally being developed. Unfortunately for me, the work begins at about 8am, which also happens to be when I'm just getting to bed. Today, the noise was so great that I couldn't sleep. My unit happens to be facing the construction, and the exterior wall does not insulate me from the noise well enough. I was forced to take a sleeping bag and put it in the hallway outside the bedrooms as the noise was abated by the extra walls of my bedroom.

Neflix Throttling:

I was beginning not to believe in throttling. I figured that Netflix had changed it ways. It took about 4-5 weeks of constatly returning my movies the say day I received them to finally trigger the throttling practice. My account currently shows that for the last 31-90 days, I rented 36 DVD's. For the past 30 days, though, I have increased my rentals to 29 DVD's and that seems to have triggered the throttling practice. This past Monday, Netflix received the two DVD's I returned on Saturday, but only sent out one DVD, which I received Tuesday. The other selection was sent from another location outside of the Chicago area, and I have yet to receive it. That sometimes is necessary if the selection I desire is not in stock at the Chicago area location, but I think it is being done intentionally now. On Monday, I received a DVD That had been sent last week from an alternate location and I returned that the same day. When Netflix sends from another location, the return envelope has the address of that location. I had saved a local "Carol Stream" netflix envelope so I returned Monday's selection in that envelope.

On Tuesday, Netflix acknowledged that it received Monday's return, but again, it chose to send my selection from an alternate location. It did not ship until today, as Netflix doesn't ship from alternate locations until the next day. This was beginning to raise my suspicion. On Tuesday, I received a DVD that was sent out Monday. That is the normal transit time from the Carol Stream distribution center to my place. If I mail a DVD to Carol Stream, it gets there the next day. If a DVD is sent from there, I receive it the next day. The final convincing evidence, for me, was when Netflix pretended not to receive my return today. I know that they received it today, but are just pretending they didn't receive it so they can slow down my turnaround.

These practices are well described in other blogs, such as Manuel's Netflix journal. To Netflix's credit, most people will never experience throttling as it took 5 weeks of say day returns to trigger the practice. The only reason I've been able to turn around DVD's so quickly is that I've been intentionally renting IMAX, 1 hour NOVA programs, and Star Trek: The Original Series DVDS (Netflix carries the original release which contained two episdoes, or 1hr 40 mins worth of programming on each disk). I wanted to see how long it would take for throttling to be triggered, and now I've found my answer.

High School Reunion:

I received a mailing informing me that the 10 year high school reunion for my school is to take place on October 1st. I'm not sure if I'm going to attend. I had a miserable time in high school and I don't have any friends from there that I stayed in contact with. It is tempting to go and see how people have turned out after ten years. I assume the next reunion won't be for any ten years so I should consider attending this one as the opportunity won't arise for another ten years.

It might sound vain, but I thinkI'd be more likely to attend if I were in the physical shape I was two years ago, and if other aspects of my life were going better. I'm sure there are only a few people that really have their lives on the path that they'd like, but I feel that I should be one of those. When I think about people that in my life now, I think only a few of them have their lives on the path they envisioned. The only one who really stands out in my mind is my old roomate Renato. He just got married in July, and he's earning big bucks at a law firm in San Francisco. Even he confided that while he is happy with where his life is, he did have higher expectations for himself that he hasn't achieved because of certain decisions he's made. For example, in college he always wanted to become involved with politics, but he hasn't followed through on those ambitions. In contrast, his best friend, who is also lawyer, has already made a run for Congress.

Let me ponder the situations of other friends. Sidegames is still trading, which is what he's always wanted to do. Like me, he is in a rebuilding stage. Three years ago he was driving Ferraris and living the high life, now he's trying to rebuild. Of course, my high point wasn't anywhere near his, but right now, we are in similar circumstances. My friend James wanted a career in federal law enforcement, but a spontaneous lost of hearing in one ear a few years ago destroyed such possibilities. Right now, he's in a temporary sales job while he figures out what he wants to do with his life. He's in the process of taking science classes in order to get work as a sales rep for a drug company, or possibly to go to med school. My friend Jim is working as an electrician, and has his money planned out probably better than most.

Over the next month, I'm sure I'll continue to ponder whether or not I'll attend the reunion. In the meantime, I suppose try to be more focused on diet and exercise. I could lose ten pounds if I lost weight properly, which would put me at around 185. That's better than the 220 lbs I was previously, but still about 20-30 lbs short of what I should be. A more extreme weight loss could be achieve with extreme willpower, but I'm not sure if I care to do that. I could probably lose 20 lbs safely as at this weight, the pounds can come off easily, and it wouldn't be dangerous. I'd make sure I ate adequate protein and consume proper vitamins and minerals. If I really want to jump start my fitness program, though, I should probably start weight lifting agin this week. I'm thinking that I won't figure out if I'm attending the reunion, though, until a few days prior.

The History of a friend called "Sidegames."

I told a friend today about this blog. I've debated whether or not I should tell my friends about this blog because doing so might prevent me from being as honest on here as I'd like to be. Also, this particular friend expressed concern about being named in my blog. I told him that he shouldn't worry about it, especially because he's already been mentioned, and it's not like I put his full name and address. As I'm going to give him the link to this in the next few days, I'll refer to him by the nickname "Sidegame." Sidegame seems to be an appropriate game because that is how I first met him.

When I was at the U of C, there was a poker game with $5 tournaments that meet every other week. The first year that I discovered this club, I played in the tournaments and the occasional "sidegame" that would occur as people busted out of the tourment. We played small stakes, and the most I ever lost was like $40 to Colin. The next year, I met a friend of mine at the tournament. He was a transfer student from Colorado. He specifically asked Colin about playing more sidegames as he wasn't satisfied with just playing this biweekly tournament. We ended up getting invited to a game at Randy Heeb's house. (I'm using Randy's full name because he won a World Series of Poker No-Limit tournament a few years ago, so his name is already out there). The sidegame included grad students that participated in Poker Club, and my buddy (hearafter refered to by his nickname of "Sidegame"), and I. We played $2-4 limit and we were total fishes. We played 7-card Stud, high low declare, which we had no clue how to play, and other games. Sidegames lost about $100 and so did I.

After Randy's game, Sidegames and I were totally addicted and we kept trying to play more and more sidegames. We even had a weekly game at this guy Cheeni's apartment, much to the dismay of his girlfriend of the time. Brian S, Ben "Stacks" (as we called him), and Tom H were regular particpants. The next year, I turned 21 so we ended up going to the Showboat (later called the Harrah's and now the Resort's), so we stopped going to Poker Club and having sidegames. If I hadn't met Sidegames, I might never have turned to a life of poker. That could be a positive or negative things, but my thoughts nowadays are that it was a good choice.

Sidegames & I: First mission to pickup girls

Sidegames was successful. He attempted 3 times to get phone numbers from girls we saw near Woodfield Mall and Streets of Woodfield in Schamburg, IL. He failed all three times, but I was impressed that he has built up the confidence to approach women. He is braver that almost all the friend's I'm currently in contact with, and I'm probably the second bravest. The sad part is that I'm again lacking in confidence. This seems like a setback of about two years. I thought dating would be easier since I had the Beata experience. I'm hoping that the experience will prove to be useful when I actually do get dates.

I was weak today. The best I did was to briefly engage in small talk with a clerk at Waldenbooks in Woodfield Mall. I made some comment about the magazines that she was stocking, but I didn't ask if she were single, nor did I attempt to ask her for her phone number. Earlier, at the Saturn dealership, I passed up a prime opportunity to make a move. A cute blonde girl was waiting for her car to be serviced. I had the option of sitting near her (in case I wanted to start a conversation), but instead, I sat far away. Instead of increasing my number of attempts, I decided to pull out my laptop and watch half an episode of "Star Trek: The Original Series."

Sidegames and I have vowed to give ourselves more practice in the near future. I'm trying to get him to go with me to see the "BodyWorks" exhibit at the Museum of Science and Industry. I do want to see the exhibit, and I believe we can make some attempts there. Also, once a month, there is some cocktail event at the Field Museum. I read that the August event was this past Thursday, so I'm trying to get Sidegames to go with me for September's event.

Sidegames: 0-3. Me: 0-0.5

Why put myself through this torture? Well, as I've said in other posts, I just want to have the confidence to talk to any woman in any situation. I realize that the odds are slim that I'll get a phone number, and even slimmer that I'd actually find someone compatible with me, but I just want to get out there and do something that's been hard for me my entire life.

Christian Bale:

The first time I saw this actor was in the movie "American Psycho." Tonight, I watched him in "The Machinist." In "American Psycho," he was buffed and the eiptome of physical fitness. For "The Machinist," Bale did not eat for weeks in order to have the emanciated look that was required for the story. Jennifer Jason Leigh (who plays the character Stevie in the movie) and the director express their amazement at Bale's immerision into the role. I have a lot of respect for Bale. What's also amazing is that after this movie, he was again able to get himself buff for "Batman Begins." I haven't looked up the details, but I'm assuming that "Batman Begins" was filmed after "The Machinst" considering "Batman" was released this year, and "Machinst" was released last year.

If I were in Bale's shoes, I'm not sure I could make the transformation. Maybe an actor's paycheck might help me do so, but I'm not sure I could have the same dedication even with that incentive. After all, if I were an actor, I'm sure I could find other work that did not require me to torture my body. I do think that getting "ripped" for a role might be something that I could be motivated to do. After all, I am trying to get myself in shape just for my own physical wellbeing and of course to help me get dates.

Charlize Theron and Renee Zelleweger also earn my respect for the weight gain they did for their roles (Theron in "Monster" and Zelleweger for "Bridget Jones Diary). Getting fat is easy, but it must be really hard psycholocically for actresses. They surely thought about how brutal the press and public are about extra weight. For example, I remember that Kate Winslet was giving grief for being too fat in "Titanic" (I thought she looked good in that movie). As I struggle with weight issues, I know how hard it must have been for Charlize and Renee to lose the weight after filiming finished. We know that they had to know that they needed to lose the weight after filiming or it would hurt their careers. That's the sad reality of Hollywood.

I'll close with some honorable mentions of actors and actresses that also did some major work with their bodies for movie roles. Tom Hanks, of course, lost a ton of weight for "Castaway." Will Smith buffed up for "Ali," and Hillary Swank for "Million Dollar Baby." Finally, who could forget Arnold. He worked out crazy to be Mr. Universe and he stayed buffed for his movie roles. I remember reading that he again did some heavy workouts so he would look good for "Terminator 3."

Condition: Single Mission: Succeed at the club/bar

I went out with some friends from college to celebrate Jason's birthday. After seeing 40 Year Old Virgin (which was suprisingly good), we went to Lion's Head on Lincoln Ave in Chicago. This is the bar that used to be called the Alumni Club on Lincoln. The street level has a two bar areas and upstairs is the "club" area (meaning really loud music and a dance floor). Beata and I still haven't talked so I think I can definately say that we really aren't going to get back together this time.

All my live I've wished I could be "bulletproof" at the bar. I think the chances that I would meet someone truely compatible with me at the bar are extremely slim, but I've always wished I could just approach women with no regard for rejection. About eight years ago, my friend Russell had demonstrated this technique when he made that offer that I "point and shoot." Those were his words. He meant that I could pick out any group of girls, and he would lead us over there to initiate a coversation (well, really intiate a pickup as that's what guys are really try to do). He shocked me actually following through. I pointed out several groups of girls and we went and talked to them. Of course, we had no success. The best I've ever done was two years ago, about a month before I started dating Beata. I was in great shape at the time, and things were looking promising with Beata, so I really had confidence that I've seldom had in my life. I went up to several women that I found attractive and talked to them. That's not much, but it's a huge step for someone like me. That was one of the few times I've went to the bar and felt satisfied with my actions.

Such a goal was impossible tonight as I barely satisfied the minimum goals that I set for myself. I said I'd try talking to some women, and the most I did in the club was say "Hi" to a few girls. While waiting for the bathroom at McDonald's, I did intiate some small talk with some women who were in line, but that was about it. I can't be too hard on myself this time, though, as this is the first time I've been back on the singles seen in two years. I know I still need to lose about 40 pounds, so confidence is low. Add to that the fact that I haven't been out to a club in months. I forgot how many good looking women there are at the Chicago clubs, so I was suffering from sensory overload.

Still being the optimist, I'll say today was still a pretty good day. I'm just going to try to be more outgoing in general when I leave the house, even if it's just to the gym or the grocery store. I hung out with friends which is good since I don't much social interaction by working at home.

Lending Money:

About ten years ago, I was dumb enough to lend money to some of my friends. I believe I got burned for about $300-400 at most, and at the time I was angry that these people never paid me back. Nowadays, I'm happy that I got burned because I learned the lesson for a relatively cheap price. Many in the poker world are not so lucky. In one of the commentary tracks of the special edition of the movie "Rounders," Chris Moneymaker, Phil Hellmuth, and Johnny Chan all admit to having loaned out money that was never repaid. At the poker room, I probably saw people begging others for money at least once a day. Even in the online rooms, you'll see beggars. In the chat box, people beg for others to send them money with the promise of paying it back. On twoplustwo, I remember reading a thread a few weeks ago where some idiot complained that he had staked (poker term for lending someone money to play, and then arranging to get a portion or their profits) someone he met on the website, and that person had failed to pay him as agreed.

The pressure to lend money can be great. I think people in the poker room do so for several reasons. Some people have a need for acceptance that is so great that they ignore their better judgement and lend fishes money hoping that the fish will then not dislike them. Other people feel sorry that a player lost all his money that night and want to help the busted player with a loan. Poker players know how horrible it feels to get busted up, and they know how most players want to stay in action in the hope of getting lucky and getting their money back. A few pros even lend money to the big fishes because they want the fish to lose even more money. When the fish is out of the money he brought with him, the pro won't have anymore of a chance of at the fish's free money. By lending money, the fish then can continue to "throw a party" and the fish will likely play even worse in his desperation to get even.

People should avoid lending money out in general, especially to friends because it strains the friendship if the friend can't pay. Poker players should avoid lending money in to the losers for several reasons. First, though you might not have gotten burned yet, it will happen. It doesn't matter how rich you think a fish is: fish eventually go busted. $20-40 hold 'em might not be high stakes to the fish, but blackjack and other table games can bust almost anyone. At the Harrah's, there was a supposed millionaire named Jim R that no one thought could be busted. He went to the boat everyday, but one day he disappearead, but not after he had maxed out his credit with all the players in the room. This brings up point number two: lending money to fishes can be counterproductive. First, by loaning money, you might cause the fish not to come back for a long time because he wants to avoid you. He wants to avoid you either because he can't pay your or doesn't want to pay you. Next, he might not come out because your loans caused him to lose more money than he had planned. Some people budget a certain amount that they can lose. When they exceed that amount, their finances may suffer and they might not be able to play for a long time now. If you had just let them lose what they brought, they might be back next payday instead of two months from now.

The lessons I learned from Paco, Joe, and Chris have made me immune to people asking me for money at the casino. I'd like to say that I never lend money, but I do so occasionally. Right now, there are probably three people that I'd lend money to at a poker game: Jake, Greg, and Colorado Dave. I'd lend money to Greg because he has build up a good credit rating with me. I have loaned him money in the past and have never been burned. The funny thing is that he'd probably never ask me for money now because he has quit going to the casinos and playing poker. Actually, when I think about it, I probably wouldn't lend him any money for gambling as I wouldn't want to support him in doing something he has vowed not to do anymore. I'd loan both Jake and Dave money because I know that they are winning poker players. If we were on a road trip to Vegas and they ran low, I'd probably lend them a few thousand because I know they are good for it, and that they are favorites in the games they are playing. Of course, I woudln't loan them money if I didn't think they were a favorite in a game. For example, if Dave asked me for some money because he wanted to "get even" in a $100-200 game, I'd probably deny his request.

As for random people that I know only from the room, you'll never get a dime from me. I remember going to the restroom one time and having some guy ask to borrow $50. He said that he sees me all the time and was hoping I'd lend him money. Sorry guy, but you thought wrong. As for players that I helped bust out of the game, no money for you either. If you didn't call me down everytime with bottom pair or worse, perhaps you wouldn't have lost your roll today. If you guys played better, then I'd be out of a job, so I'll be nice to you, and be supportive, but I can't lend you any money. Thanks for playing, but if you want a loan, go get a Comcheck, cash advance, or find some other suckers to lend you money.

I'll close with one final example of my weakness. Some might call it sympathy. One time, the game was slow in the early morning and the game got short handed. Gus and I were chopping up the other two players that had stayed. Just as the game was about to break, a man sat down that obviously had no clue how to play properly. In the next hour, Gus and I proceeded to beat this man out of about $1200 in our limit $20-40 game. When he finally gave up, after being busted up on one last hand, the game broke. I racked my chips and headed downstairs to cash out. The player ran into me on the escalator and begged me for a loan. At first, I refused. He then proceeded with some likely BS story about how he needed gas money etc. I knew if I gave him any money, it wasn't a loan, but was a gift. I finally relented and gave him a green chip ($25). I did so because he said, "Come on man. I need some gas money. I sat down there and you guys busted me for over a thousand."

The guy had a good point. Had he not sat down, I would have quit the game and gone home. Had he not sat down, I would not have made $500+ extra that night. Luck would account for any win or loss. If he were a good player, I definately would not have been so generous. I guess what ultimately made me part with $25, is that I knew this guy had no chance against Gus and I. I remember he played in the worse way possible. He called preflop almost 100% of the time. Postflop, he'd never bluff, and he'd never raise unless he had a monster. He was so passive that he often didn't even raise with top pair, which is a huge hand in a three person game. He'd also call down to the river with any two cards. If I had to design an ideal opponent, he'd be almost identical to what I'd want.

Women are the Rake:

I watched the movie "Rounders" again tonight. As a poker player, I have, of course, seen this a ton of times, but this time I had the special edition version from Blockbuster.com. I rented this version for the commentaries, but I also decided to watch the regular movie too. In one scene, Ed Norton's character, Worm, says "In the poker game of life, women are the rake." In poker, the rake is the money that the house takes out of each pot. I suppose one could consider that the saying is true for many men when it comes to women as we have to pay for dates and gifts. Later, men are expected to support the family. Even in the modern household, where the woman works, the man still has to support the family when his wife is on maternatiy leave. My point here is not to debate the validatity of this statement. I've spent a lot of money on Beata, but I don't consider it lost money as I would the rake in poker. Instead, I can't help but think of Beata when I see Gretchen Mol's character leave the Mike (the main character played by Matt Damon.)

When I first watched "Rounders," in 1998, I had never really dated anyone, so I was still naive when it comes to love. I kept wondering how Mol's character could leave the man she loves just because he started playing cards again. I really believed that if two people love each other, then love should conquer all, and poker shouldn't have caused those two characters to be apart. For me. there is definately evidence that Mol's character loved Mike. I don't believe the length of the relationship is mentioned in the movie, but it is obviously long enough for them to have decided to live together. That's no small step. Furthermore, when Mike goes busted in the opening scene, we find that the relationship continues after that tramatic event. Even at the end of the movie, when they are broken up, Mol's character still hints that she cares about Mike when she assures him that he can count on her to deliver the money.

I believe that Beata and I loved each other. We were together for two years, and she stayed with me through all the hardships I've been through. We had broken up numerous times but we always ended up coming back together. At least, that was the track record until our seemingly final breakup on Tuesday. She hasn't called me, and I haven't felt a desire to call her. Today is an exception: after thinking about this all, I'm tempted to call, but I'm not close to giving into the temptation. When we talked on Tuesday, she still reiterated her statement that she would be happy with me, and would stay with me, if I just went and got a real job. Of course, I refused, and we found ourselves at an impasse. I think we finally realized on Tuesday that this issue truely cannot be solved.

I'm left wondering why this issue leaves Beata and I at an impasse. The optimist in me would like to believe in my idealist interpretation of love. I still like the scene in "Keeping the Faith" where Ed Norton's character basically says that he was willing to give away his life and career as a priest for love. I always figured that when I finally found myself in love, I'd be willing to do the same. On the other hand, I figured if I had met my perfect soulmate, then though willing, I would not be asked to give up all because a woman would accept me for who I am. As I've seen for the past two years, I am not willing to give up poker for Beata. This could mean two things.

One interpretation is that this problem is just an obvious sign that Beata and I were never truely in love. Having never had a serious girlfriend prior to this relationship, I was never able to gauge my feelings properly. Sure, we were in love, in the sense that we cared for each other more than couples that just started dating, but we were never truely in love (the love that bonds two soulmates). The pessimist in me wants to believe in the other interpretation: Beata and I were and are in love, but love is not enough to sustain an relationship. In our case, poker and the lifestyle associated with it are not compatibile with Beata's view of the world and desires for her future. As much as she might love me, she can't be with someone that is going to have as unstable a life as I will since I want to be a poker player.

I don't know what to think. After all the drama, I think I'm starting to feel closure, though I'm sure it will be weeks (more likely months) before I'm ready to enter into another relationship. I'm sure I'll ponder love for years to come. At points in the relationship, I really did think that Beata and I could get married. I know I'll find love again similar to what I had with Beata. As I've been a more optimistic person for the past few months despite the setbacks I've faced, I think can find true love. By true love, I mean the idealistic, and maybe naive version of love which I made some attempt to describe two paragraphs ago. Of course, that love of soulmates would be more than just what I attempted to describe. I'll leave further description to the poets.

Civil Forfeiture

I just finished watching a History Channel program detailing the battles leading to the end of World War II. We should all remember those who have died defending the freedoms that we enjoy. Unfortunately, we are slowly losing some of those treasured feedoms.

I was reminded of an example of this on an episode of "Cops" that I watched prior to the History Channel program. The episode I watched featured a drug sting in Tampa. Undercover officers posed as drug dealers and sold marijuana to unsupecting buyers. The supporting officers then swarmed in and arrested the buyers. In addition to that, the cops told those that were arrested that they were seizing the people's vehicles under civil forfeiture laws. One buyer bought $30 worth of weed and now he was going to lose his car.

Civil forfeiture has been out of control since 1984 when its current usage began. I understand the original idea behind it: seize the assets of drug dealers that were gained by illegal enterprise. In other words, allowing the police to hurt dealers in the pocket book should help turn the tide in the drug war. Application of the law not turned out in the way the was originally envisioned. For example, laws that were enacted have allowed local governments to keep the money and assets that they seize, so an arugment has been made that police have gotten less focused on prosecution in the drug war, but more focused on seizures to fund their departments.

The TV show 20/20 mentioned that Chicago has noise ordinance laws that allow police to seize cars that play stereos too loudly. I don't know if this forfeiture operates in the same way as drug seizures, but the idea again seems silly. A person played his radio too loud, so police should now be able to take your car. I've heard of similar laws either beind considered, or possibly are already in the books for seizures of cars of johns soliciting prostitutes. Another extreme example are houses that have been seized because of one or two marijuana plants found growing in some distant part of a property. More abuses can be read about on the fear.org website.

Civil forfeiture is a concern for poker players that play live poker. Though it's not illegal to carry cash within the United States, the civil forfeiture laws allow law enforcement to seize money if they suspect it is drug money, and examples abound of deparments that are quick to suspect any large amount of cash as being drug money. Using a legal argument that treats the seizure as a civil case against the money and not a criminal case against the person carrying the money allows the courts to put the burden on the person carrying the money to prove that the money is not drug money. Examples I've read about illogically make it easier to protect seize assets that are seized as part of a criminal case. Truely innocent people who have their cash seized have a much harder time fighting to get their money back as they don't have the benefit of certain disclosure laws that those charged with crimes do. (See the above website for a better explanation). Innocent people often have found it better to settle for a portion of the seized amount as hiring a lawyer and fighting the seizure might result in getting less money that settle due to lawyer fees.

Birthday Party Lesson from Frank

I went to my friend Jim's birthday party yesterday. I saw some people there that I hadn't seen in awhile. One was a girl named Candy that used to live across the street from me. The rest were people I knew through Jim, but also people that I knew from delivering pizzas at White Cottage Pizza. I thought it was weird that although I hadn't seen these people in awhile, and we had all grown a few years older, most of them looked basically the same. The only changes I noticed were that Paco's hair had gotten a little greyer and Paco's brother had gotten fatter (as had I).

Beata had come with me to the party. I had to go back to my house after I somehow got pasta sauce on my shirt. She dropped me off after my new shirt dried. She hadn't been feeling well, and we weren't getting along to well, so I guess it was better this way. Later, I learned that Frank had been dating my old neighbor, Candy, for awhile, but he had just broken up with her on Friday. His situation with Candy sounded just like my relationship with Beata. He said they had been dating on and off for about three years and they had broken up about 7 times. He said that he got sick of it against last night and had ended thing, but her and her friends somehow showed up at this party. There was even more drama for Frank because another ex-girlfriend happened to be at the party too.

I had always looked up to Frank when I was in my late teens and early twenties. I was totally clueless about dating back then as I never dated in high school. I always blamed it on my weight then and my reputation as a nerd. In college, I had tried to be more outgoing with women, but with little success my first year. At the end of my first year, and all of the summer I worked out like crazy. By the start of my 2nd year, I had gone from about 220 lbs, to 150 lbs. I thought had solved what I thought was my biggest problem with women, but looking back to my 2nd year, I was totally oblivious to what my real problems were. I had no confidence and I didn't know how to talk to women. Here are some examples of my mistakes. There were several girls that I found attractive, but I was too scared to talk to them. I had two classes with one girl in either winter or spring quarter, yet when she talked to me, I was afraid of boring her, so I remember ending the conversation as quickly as possible. (Two classes, by the way, is a lot of time to spend with someone considering a normal class load at the University ofChicago was 3 or 4 classes a quarter.) Another example of how weird/lame I was is as follows. One time, I was twenty minutes early for class. I was reading the paper and a pretty Spanish girl sat down next to me and started talking to me. Once again, I had tried to end the conversation as quickly as possible. I don't know if I could have gotten a date with her if I had conversed with her like I might do now, but it doesn't get any easier to get things moving than girls striking up conversations with you (and I blew it there).

Anyway, Frank seemed to be the opposite of me. He always had a girlfriend, and his girlfriends were always really good looking. One time at the pizza place, a new phone girl had started working. This guy Brian had invited her and a bunch of us to the bar after work. Frank worked his magic on that girl that evening, and by next week, he was dating her. A few months later, Frank broke up with that girl. Not too long after the break-up, I saw Frank at a party, and he was already dating another girl. Frank basically had the skills that I had always wished I had.

I thought it funny that we were in similar situations now. Frank, though, had learned something from experience that I had not, since Beata is my first serious girlfriend. When Frank and Candy break up, she keeps calling him, but he has the strength to stick his ground and not call her. I, on the other hand, am usually the one calling Beata up after we fight or break up. What's interesting, is that Frank admits that he was like me a few relationships earlier. I guess it's time to take my former idol's advice and show Beata that I can be a strong man if we're not going to get along. If I end it, I have to not call.

Poker

Jim had been bugging me for the last two weeks about playing cards at the party. He had told me that several people were going to be at the party that loved poker. As a pro, I like poker, but I'm not too excited about doing it for fun on my days off. I brought chips like Jim had requested, and right away people were asking me about playing a game. I guess this shows how big poker has become in the past few years.

We found seven people that were interested in playing a quick game. Frank said they usually played what is referred to as a freeze out. In a freeze out, you buy-in (for this game it was $5) and if you bust out, you can't rebuy. Like most people who got exicted about poker after watching it on TV, these guys wanted to play no limit hold 'em.

What follows is a summary of the two tournaments. I guess I just wrote it out because these tournaments are basically what I did today. The stakes are tiny. The $25 first prize is what one would win from on round of betting in a $20-40 game (what I usually play live), and it's about one hand in $3-6, which I play online as my bankroll is low at the moment. As I admit in the descriptions, I got lucky a few times, but these two tournaments show how poker is a skill game. I placed into the money easily. Basically everyone but Frank, Joe, and I were dead money. In poker, the term "dead money" is used to describe the buy-ins made by players that have virtually no chance of placing in the money. One girl, Jenny, had never even played hold 'em before, but was willing to mess around for the $5.

The summary of the two tournaments are below. Non-poker players need not read on as the poker jargon won't make any sense. Honestly, the hands aren't even that interesting, but I figured that I wrote it out, so I might was well keep it in here.

In the first game, I folded every hand except and AQ off-suit (in poker literature, that would be noted as an AQo) that I took all-in against Paco's 75o. I survived Paco and not long after, Frank and I ended up playing heads-up as Frank busted the other players. People were anxious to play another game, but I wanted to finish the game. Frank said we could just end it there, but he wanted the full 1st place payout. He wasn't going to give me any extra because he had a 2-1 chip lead on me. I figured that I'm a poker pro so I might as well play it out. The tournament ended with me taking a KQo against Frank's ATo. I got lucky and spiked a king on the river for the win. We paid 1st place $25 that game, and 2nd place $10.

The next game we had 8 people in, again for $5 each. We paid 1st $25, 2nd $10, and 3rd $5. The first hand, I got dealt a straight. I had a Q8s that I limped in an 8 way pot on the button. I floped a striaght with an 9JT (two spade) flop. It was checked to me, and I went all in. Jenny called (after some help from some people next to her; that's total no-no in real card games, but it's a fun game so I didn't care. Besides, I wanted her to call.) with pocket kings. Against real players, I never would have won because most people would have raised with KK preflop, so I wouldn't have been in, and they woudln't have called all in with the kings on the flop. The next hand 4 people went busted, so the game went pretty fast. My friend Joe and I ended up heads up. He had a chip lead on me. I thought I was busted in our second heads-up hand when I put a move with bottom pair. He called with top pair, and I hit trips on the river. The poker gods evened the odds a few hands later when he busted me with KJ against my AQs by hitting a king. I pulled 2nd, but oh well; $25 of for playing at a birthday party on my day off is still nice. Joe commented that if we could play with these people all the time, he could be a pro too.

Sidenote: Some guy was arguing with someone being able to go all in out of turn. I explained that technically, a player would have to wait his turn before declaring all-in. This guy said that a player could do so in any position at the start of the hand. I tried explaining it to him why he was wrong, but he kpet arguing. He said that you could do this in Vegas, blah blah, and Carlo tried to back this guy up by saying that my online play is different. I soon got annoyed and said, "I play 40-50 hours a week and I've been playing for awhile now. I've played live in many places. I think I know what I'm talking about." He had no response to that, of course. Now that I'm older, I dont' tend to argue with people about stupid stuff as much as I used to, but sometimes you just have shut up ignorant poeple that won't stop telling you that you are wrong.

Pet Day:





It looks like today is going to be pet day. The only reason I'm awake is that Oliver woke me up today. He came by my bed and smelled bad. I guess I have to clean his litter box. Oliver is the cat in the bottom piciture.

As I did not want to be bothered, I kicked both cats out of my room, but Misiu (the cat in the middle picture) started to meow and paw at the door handle. I had to open the door so he would stop being noisy, but after all this, I found myself unable to go back to sleep.

Misiu and Oliver are ragdoll cats that I got from Ann Lang of Starlite Rags. Ragdolls are the friendliest cats I've ever seen. Misiu and Oliver follow me all over the house. Both of them let me pick them up and hold them without protest. I grew up with a cat, but my parents didn't know how to take care of him so he was mean. You're supposed to hold cats a lot when they are kittens so they get used to human contact, and the cat I grew up with obviously didn't learn this. He used to bite me if I picked him up, and he'd run if I pet him for more than 10 seconds.

The other pets in this house live in a 125 gallon fish tank. I need to clean that tank as I haven't done so in awhile. Luckily, I only have about 8 fish in there or they'd die since I don't maintain it as well as I should. I have a Pleco, 4 huge clown loaches, and 2 cherry barbs. I had an upside down catfish but I don't know if he's still around. When I moved to this place in '98, I discovered the the upside down cat was still alive. I had never seen him in the year that I lived at that apartment, but I saw him when I emptied the tank. These fish are about 10 years old. When I go to the fish tank, I never see clown loaches as big as the ones I have. I keep saying that I'm going to get more fish, but I always feel like it'll be a big project to get them. Since I don't want to introduce disease, I have to set up my 10 gallon tank (which is stored in a closet right now) as a quarantine tank. I really should buy a few more cherry barbs as they are schooling fish: they are happier with more of their kind, preferable 10 or more.

One

Introduction: I planned on writing this blog two days ago (8/9/05) while in the middle of an emotional Beata saga. I will preserve the original two part structure that I envisioned. The first part would use the theme of "One" to refer to self, or in this particular case, my self (my self meaning my ego, brain, intellect). Part two would use our planet Earth, as the "One" planet.

Well, I just finished the "self" part. It went longer than I anticipated so part two will appear in a future blog. I'm also not going to predate these blogs like I originally planned. I'm excited about part two because it basically will be a short explanation about why I believe that life exists outside this planet. Most people I know and I'm sure most people on this planet believe that life only exists on this planet. To them, Earth is the "One" planet in this universe. Being a fan of Star Trek and other science fiction, I've always wanted to believe that this isn't the case. I want to believe in extraterrestial intelligence. I'll argue using science, that it isn't too far of a stretch to believe that life exists outside Earth. Life possibly it even exists, or existed, in others areas in this solar system. The moon Titan is believed to be a good candidate, and possibly Mars. I'm refering to simple life, such as microbes, in these examples. Later, I'll then go to show why I believe that intelligent life, possibly even more advanced than us, probably exists in this galaxy and beyond.

Quick disclaimer: No, I'm not one of those people that claim to be abducted by aliens. I probably won't even touch on the topic of aliens visiting earth; that's another topic. My friend "Colorado" Dave and I had this discussion last year in a long car ride. He told me that he hadn't even thought about this stuff before, and I believe he told me that my thoughts gave him a new perspective on our place in the universe. I hope I can do the same for any readers.

Now, here's the more Earthly part one.

Self:

When I should have actually written this, I believe I could have conveyed more emotion as I was an emotional mess after answering a call from Beata. In the call, she continued to argue with me about my job. She just refuses to accept that poker can be a way to earn a living. She dispariginly referred to poker as merely a hobby. She continued her claim that she would be happy with me if I had a regular job, even a job that earned the same as hers does (she processes payments for a mortgage company and she makes approximately $30,000 a year). I repeated my point that I had developed from our many arguments about poker. Some of these points were made in my first blog.

I'll summarize my argument:
1) Poker allows me the freedom that other, regular, jobs wouldn't (set my own hours, break up work into multiple session, get up whenever I want, travel if I want, etc)

2) I understand that I could have made more money if I had made a career in consulting or law. I did afterall go to the University of Chicago, and I did have a slightly above average GPA of 3.3. For comparison, my old roomate, Renato, who went on to the best law school in the country (Yale), had a 3.7 GPA. Poker is one of the few jobs that I could envision myself being happy doing. I still think I probably would have enjoyed law, but I grew tired of school and I'm not sure I could have forced myself through three years of law school. As for consulting or any other job I could have gotten, I'm not sure I would have been happy doing those jobs either. The idea of having a boss telling me what to do just doesn't appeal to me. I like telling myself what to do. In poker, if I want to work harder, I will. If I fail, it's my own problem, and not the company's or anyone else's. I don't like the idea of 9-5 hours either.

3) At various points in the last few months, I've considered getting a job. My shabby resume, though, would preclude me from having a great job, like I might have been able to get if I had just entered the work force like a normal human being. My friend Jim did say he could get me a job at this company that employer works with. Jim is an electrician, and my job would involve customer service. Basically, I'd answer phone calls and customers would tell me what is wrong with their phone systems. I'd then type up a work ticket and use the radio to find someone (for example, Jim) to go fix the problem. He said that he knows a woman who works there. As a supervisor, this woman makes just over $60,000, but I'd probably start off at like $35,000.

I know I could probably get the job above right now, especially if Jim put in a good word for me. Despite setbacks I've had lately, I'm conviced I could at least make what this job offers, with the possibility and probability that I'll make more now that I've excised some demons that have haunted me. The demons I'm refering to are various problems pro's have: spending too much money, lacking self control, not working enough, etc. If I can do the same or better in poker, I think I'd rather do that. Who knows, I could figure this out and make good money (70K+), and maybe I could win a big tournament someday, but right now that's a pipe dream. I know for sure, I can make average money at my current skill level.



Despite what I think is well-thought reasoning, I can't convince Beata that my position has merit. She said that she doesn't believe I can make money, despite showing her my records. Then, she went on to be hurtful by saying that my friends, stepfather, and even my mother don't approve of what I'm doing. I had countered in the past that my mother does approve, but when I talked to my mother, she admitted that she wishes I had gone on to do a real career but she'll support me in this. She'll support me because she knows I'm adamant about doing this, and she needs to be supportive as a mother.
Of course, I was saddened by all this, and to get past the pain, I told myself that I know I can do this. In the past, I've let other people's expectations depress me or prevent me from doing what I wanted. That's where the "One" theme comes in here. As I described above, I've learned that I can only count on myself. All these people might be against me, but I know what I have to do and what I can do. That the lesson that any readers should take from this. Believe in yourself. Not everyone is going to support you the way they should. Some people might even try to bring you down (intentionally, or unintentionally).

This reminds me that I need to order this book I saw in a store when I was in Galena, IL. It is written by Laura Fitzgeral and titled If at First: How Great People Turned Setbacks into Great Success. Link I haven't read it yet, but it sounds like it is a greatly inspirational book.

Commitment:
I had some good thoughts that I should have blogged over the past few days but I was too lazy to come on here and type them. I'm going to back date a blog later today that I'm going to title "One." While I'm here, I might as well post what's going on today.

I joined Blockbuster rentals today. I've been a member for Netflix for almost a year now. Their service is pretty good, but I do believe that they try to slow down your rentals (throttling is the web term that was created to describe this practice). I believe I'm currently in their throttling zone as I've had 24 rentals in the last 30 days and there is no way they are making good money off me considering I'm on the 3 at a time plan for $17.99. For my Netflix news, I been following Manuel's Neflix Journal. He's frequent renter like I am, and his advice is that it's better to join 2 or 3 services rather than go to Netflix's 8 at a time service. One reason is you get better variety. I've noticed this to be the case with "Star Trek: The Original Series." Neflix has the original DVD release of Season 1 which had only 2 episodes per disk. For some reason, Volume 7 is not available. Since Paramount no longer releases this version, I assume that they can't get replacements. To watch the two episodes that I'm missing, I'm going to have to rent the new DVD version of ST:TOS (which has 3-4 episodes per disc), which Blockbuster carries and Netflix does not. Blockbuster also has the special additions of "Swingers" and "Rounders" which I'd like to see. Another reason is to join both services is you can get more DVD's by joing the 3 at a time plans from both Blockbuster and Netflix than you would by just increasing Netflix to 8 at a time due to throttling.

For some reason, I spent about 20 minutes figuring out how I could split up my rentals between the DVD versions to minimize the overlap. My conclusion is going to help me test to test the throttling theory. My plan is to rent 3 more ST:TOS episodes from Netflix (the rest of Season One I'll get from Blockbuster by skipping the first 3 disks and renting the rest). As they are about an hour and forty minutes long, I can watch the discs and return them to the post office before the last pickup, ensuring maximum efficiency. From then on, I'm going to rent short TV programs, IMAX, or World Poker Tour episodes from Netflix so I can also return those on the day same I receive them. I'll use Blockbuster more to rent movies, and TV episodes. As they are more reasonable price at $14.99 for 3 at a time, I'm more willing to kept those overnight and I won't be as considered about maximizing my rentals from them. If there is any way to test throttling, this is the way to do it. I'm really curious to see if I'm going to get permanently throttled and how servere the throttling will be if I'm renting 6-9 DVD's a week from Netflix.

My last thoughts ponder why I feel this need to get maximum DVD's. I think I'm not alone in this mentality or else others besides Manuel and I would not notice Netflix throttling. Until I got to the 20 DVD's in 30 days zone, I could trace no hint of throttling. I've seen blogs that think Manuel's wrong about throttling, but those people probably only rent 2-3 DVD's a week. With normal rentals, I don't think throttling is a problem. So why do I want to abuse Netflix? I think it goes with the "buffet mentality" that my parents developed in me. When I was a kid, I remember going to Sizzler retaurant for the "All-you-can-eat Shrimp." You'd get a bowl of friend shrimp and they'd bring you more and more bowls until you admitted defeat. I know there are many that just eat until they are satisfied, but I really did eat until I could no longer eat any more. My mother encouraged me to "get my money's worth" at Sizzler and also at a restaurant called "Boston Sea Party" (now out of business).

Another memory I have is of the A&W Restaurant in Woodfield Mall. When I was younger, free refills on pops didn't exist like we know them today. Now, it's very rare to find a restaurant or fast food place that doesn't offer free refills. Back then, before the free refill phenomenon, A&W offered free refills on root beer and diet root beer at their restaurant. (For those that haven't been to this place, it's basically like a Fuddruckers restaurant. You order burgers or whatever at the cashier and take your food to your table. Nowadays, they have a refill station near the registers. Back when refill first started, they had people walking around to refill your drink, or you could bring your glass to the cashier). My friend Joe A and I loved A&W. I remember that we once drank 10-11 glasses of A&W regular root beer.

With this kind of mentality, it's no wonder I've had weight troubles my whole life. Another contributing factor is that my parents encouraged eating from a young age. When I was about 5-6 years old, my father thought I was too skinny, so he encouraged me to eat more. Both my parents cheered me on when I ate the extra burger or finished my plate at dinner. Logically, my brain got wired to associate food with pleasure.

I could fill many more blogs with my struggles with weight and fitness but that's enough for now. I'm sure these issues will reappear in future installments. Right now, I think I'll go for a quick jog in order to help win the battle against obesity and inactivity.

Poscript: I don't feel like editing this into the main body, so I'll just add two notes here. 1) Some may wonder how I have so much time to watch so many DVD's. The answer is that I can play online poker while watching most television type DVD's. I only focus my full attention to feature movies and TV shows that I really care to enjoy. 2) Concerning my first blog: I watched the "World Poker Tour: Ladies Night" and was plesantly surprised to hear Jennifer Harmon (a big time poker pro) say that she never sets alarms for her daily routine and just wakes up whenever she feels like it. I guess I have been too hard on myself because I tried to be "normal" by getting up at set times. My system is not abnormal for poker pros.

Here goes my first post. I had thought about blogging, but never actually made the effort to research some sites. I found a link to a blog from a woman named Rachel that posts on Flyertalk. To make a comment to one of her posts, I had to create an account, so then naturally I figured I might as well start my log since I now have an account here. That's one reason, but another one is that it's 8am and I should be in bed. Yes, normal people get up now and head to work, but I'm on a vampire schedule. Actually, I'm trying to get on a 2-3am to 12-1pm sleep schedule, but that effort is failing miserably. I went to sleep at 2am only to wake up at 5am. Now, I know if I go to sleep, I'll end up sleeping until late afternoon :( I want to sleep the hours above because the poker games are crappy from 6-11am so I might as well be sleeping. Since I can't sleep, I'm now doing unproductive things like surfing flyertalk and twoplustwo, writing this blog and talking to my cats.

My life is chaotic and filled with efforts to structure it. Failed efforts something as simple as setting a sleep schedule make me question this lifestyle. I gave up more lucrative opportunities in the real world so that I could work for myself and set my own hours. I think I've taken that idea to the extreme in the past and now I'm paying for it by struggling to take my life in the direction I really want it to go. I wasted 6 months by not working and playing World of Warcraft last year. I took too much time off in general, probably because of laziness, but I justified it by saying that I could do so because I'm my own boss. I don't usually set alarms so my sleep schedule gets screwed because I just get up whenever I feel I'm not tired anymore.

I decided to avoid the real world and I thought it was great idea, not only because of the above, but because I thought I'd kill the games. I read the young punks at twoplustwo and remember that I was one too. I see people posting there about how much they are beating the games or how easy it is to make money playing cards. I guess it's time to prove it to myself and to the people in my life that this isn't some mediocre way to make money. Instead, I have to show that it really can be at least comparable to what I could have done with my life.

I guess I'm questioning all of this here also because of what happened with my on and off girlfriend Beata. Her birthday was this past weekend and she says I messed things up. She said I didn't buy her a card, didn't take her to theatre, and didn't buy her anything. Additionally, she said I didn't do anything for our two year anniversay. Well, to my credit, her criticisms aren't totally true. I didn't get her an actual card, but I did send her flowers to her work on Friday. We then went to Galena, IL and Apple River Canyon State Park on Saturday. We didn't do anything Sunday, but she has told me for the past two weeks that she was going to be busy with her family. Then she calls me Sunday and wants to go for ice cream, and then is upset that I can't be at her place within a half hour. She didn't like my explanation that I had to take a shower, drive to pick up this desert at Gibson's in Rosemont, and drive to her place, and that would be impossible in a half hour.

After all the discussion, I finally came to a key point. I had heard that you know a relationship is over when you get into a fight and find that you really don't care. When the fight started, I came up with all these reasons (Beata called them excuses) for why I didn't make her birthday more enjoyable. After going through them all, I came to the number one reason, which is I just didn't care to make the effort to do so. Why should I buy gifts, or go the extra distance when she's been treating me poorly and we've been fighting all the time. Saturday, I even find out she's been talking to her ex-boyfriend, Phil, and she finds nothing wrong with it. This is the same girl who ruined a relationship I had with a lifelong female friend because Beata said it was inappropriate for me to continue to talk to that person. This is the same Beata that complained to me that Phil wouldn't stop bothering her. Maybe if you never called him back, he's stop bothering you, Beata.

My conclusion to all of this is that I obviously need to take some control of my life. Maybe that's the real reason I've started this blog. It gives me a chance to reflect on events and I'm forced to analyze them. Oh well, off to bed. I haven't won the sleep battle, but at least I'm making progress on other fronts.

Vote on Beata's picture on hotornot.com.