Sunday, October 30, 2005
Halloween Pickup Attempts:
Lately, I find that the only thing I feel passion for is sarging. That's pickup artist speak for going out to pickup women, or in my case, attempting to pick up women. Today we celebrated my friend Ajay's birthday. We had dinner in Chinatown and then went to Lion Head Pub/The Apartment. It's a two story estbalishment on Lincoln Ave, several blocks south of Fullerton Ave. On the bottom floor is a bar area. There are multiple TV's and tables. Music is played, but conversations can still take place without yelling or having to speak directly into the ears. On the second floor is a dance club area that the place calls "The Apartment. There's a small lounge area with a bar, and another oval shaped bar next to the dance floor. The dance floor, though, is the main attraction. As I found out today, The Apartment is a terrible place to try to have a conversation with someone.
I wore a hooded cape costume with a screen mask. It would best be described as a "Death" costume, meaning Death from the Gauntlet video game. I was hoping that I'd be brave enough to dance with random girls on the dance floor, but that game is slightly harder that I expected. I've read some articles on fastseduction.com concerning dance floor moves. My understanding is that I'm supposed to just go up to girls and dance near them. Then, I'm supposed to make eye contact and position myself in front of them. Next, I start mirroring their dance moves and proceed from there. Another option is to stand near the edge of the dance floor and pull girls in. As I have no dance skills at all, my best move is supposed to be for me to do a quick dance and then lead the girl off the dance floor for a conversation. What I'm unclear about is what I'm supposed to do when there are multiple girls dancing with each other, or when multiple girls walk near or through the dance floor. I imagine the answer is to just grab one and start dancing, but without a wingman, it seems that the other girl would probably cockblock.
My frustrations with the dance floor scene spilled over into my regular pickup mission for a the first few hours. Well, I am being a little hard on myself by saying that. I did do better than the last time I was out at the bar. On my previous outing, for Jason's birthday, I said, "Hi" to either one or two girls. At the beginning, I wasn't willing to go approach girls, but I was saying, "Hi" to random girls. When I saw girls walking off the dance floor, or walking down the stairs, I'd force myself to say stuff like, "Where are you going? The party is this way (me pointing towards the dance floor)." I also said, "Hi" to just a few random girls that I walked by. I think these small steps is what allowed me to make bigger strides later. Developing confidence to talk to woman and not caring about the outcome is probably the hardest part of the pickup game, at least at the beginner level. When I scare myself with my imagination, I imagine that girls will totally ignore me when I try to talk to them. Sometimes that happens, but I was surprised to see that some girls responded to the comments I made, or said, "Hi" back.
I made my first real approach during the costume contest. Some finalists for best costume were presented on the stage near the dance floor. I worked my way near the front and saw a cute blonde (probably a 7) standing near me. She seemed to be along, so I decided to make my move. I noticed that she kept giving a thumbs down to all the costumes that came up. I opened by saying something like, "You don't like any of the costumes to you." We talked for about 5 minutes. I learned she was a social worker. I think I did okay with the "fluff talk" but it was hard to hear her, so sometimes I'd just pretend that I understood something. I suppose I did decently as she did ask me for my name after I had talked to her for a few minutes. Unfortunately, I found out that she was there with her boyfriend. I wasn't phased, as I had read the "boyfriend destroyer" articles, but when I tried to ask where he was again, (I had asked earlier, but I couldn't understand her answer) she told me that he and some of the their friends were in one of the earlier costume groups that I missed. Some day in the future, maybe I'll be able to close a girl that has a boyfriend in bar with her, but that time is not now. To my credit, I talked for a few minutes until she went to go talk to him when the contest was over. I stuck around just to try to show that I didn't care that she had a boyfriend with her.
After my first encounter, I made a few more attempts, but the loud music really cramped my style. I did try going downstairs to the bar area, but I didn't see any good groups to open. I'm still working on getting confidence to approach a solo girl. I think I'd approach a set of two girls, but I'm not ready to open a large group or girls, or a mixed group. There were some great opportunities earlier in the night, but unfortunately I was too chicken at the time. I just have to learn that I have to start making approaches immediately after I enter the bar. Upstairs, I did find some girls to open.
As I went to the bar for a drink, I saw a blonde with bunny ears. She was probably a 6. She was definately not as cute as the first girl I opened. I could tell by her first responses that she was neither interesting, nor interested. Maybe she wasn't interesting because she wasn't interested, but whatever. I said, "Hi" to her and made some comment like "Are you taking a break from the dance floor." I had to repeat the comment twice as she had a hard time hearing me, then she responded with some comment that was inaudible to me. I then tried the "What's your story line?" She heard me that time, but responded with "I don't have one." Blah! Obviously this conversation was going nowhere ,but I decided to make one final attempt anyway. I replied, "What do you mean? Everyone has a story. Who are you, what are you passionate about?" LOL, that was a good one. She couldn't understand me through the music. She looked bored, and I saw her looking for her friend. Frankly, I was bored and frustrated so I was happy to end the conversation. Funny thing about the whole thing is that crashing and burning didn't cause me any pain at all.
My next move was with a fat girl who was probably a 5. I didn't intend to work down the rating system, but I wasn't being picky here. I just wanted to open with any girls that I felt I had an opportunity to open. Again, hearing problems dampened things. Worse yet, she was in a mixed group. I didn't realize this when I opened her initially (they weren't standing all together, but they were all in the general area). Her friend kept interupting her, and then suddenly she decided to dance with one of her guy friends. I guess I hadn't established value properly. I had tried to get her to come to the dance floor right before that. I said, "Let's go dance." Her response was that she couldn't come with, and then she started to dance with one of her guy friends. I stood there feeling helpless and like a total AFC. I decided to redeem myself after 10 seconds by leaning towards her and saying, "Well, it's been fun. Take care."
My last attempt seemed like it had the most promise. I saw a blonde (HB:7) about my height dancing with her shorter brunette friend. At this point, I knew I wasn't going to be able to pull the dance move so I just sat there on "death row" holding up my wall. A few minutes later, I saw the blonde walking away from her friend. When I looked at her friend, I saw that the brunette was dancing with some guy. I followed the blonde with my eyes and saw her sit at a table by herself. I'd like to say that I followed the 3 second rule, but I admit I violated it. I was quick enough, though, that I didn't talk myself out of approaching. I walked the long way around the bar so I could get to her table. I then approached her from the side, and leaned in her ear and said, "Hi. You had some nice moves out there."
You can guy what happened then. Yes, I had to repeat myself so she could understand me. The conversation was really frustrating because we couldn't hear each other through the music. She seemed like she wanted to talk, though. Instead of giving up right away like the bunny-eared girl, this one kept trying to have the conversation work. When I began to show some frustrations (and this was like 20 seconds into the approach), she apologized for being tired. I took that as she was apologizing for not giving great answers, and in a way she was saying that was an additional reason why we were having such a hard time talking. Her friend showed up from the dance floor about 30 seconds into our attempted conversation. I figured she was going to leave me standing like an AFC like the fat girl had. Instead, I saw the two friends having problems communicating because of the noise. The friend soon left us alone and went back to her new guy friend.
Now, I did the dumbest thing, and Ajay even called it. When I explained what happened to me, his immediate response was that I should have asked the girl to come down to the bar area with me. The thought had occurred to me, but, at the time, I dismissed it as unlikely to succeed. I figured I hadn't established enough rapport for her to come downstairs with me. Of course, that was dumb. That might have been true, but I should have at least asked her to come to the Lion Head Pub area so we could have a better conversation. Instead, I let my frustration take over me, and my AFC self appear. Instead of inviting her to come downstairs to talk, I leaned to her and said, "You know, this is too difficult. In a different time and place, this might have worked."
Oh well. I learned a good lesson. I'll be sure not to repeat this mistake next time.
In conclusion, I think I did pretty well. I have a long way to go, but if this were a roleplaying game, I would definately have gained one or two levels. I accomplished more than what I did last time at Lion Head Pub. I made some mistakes, but I think I can learn from them. Next time, I won't wait so long to begin making approaches. I also will ask a women to move to a quiter area if the music is ruining our conversation. Such a move would not have worked with the bunny girl, but it might have worked with the last one. Most importantly, I'd say I learned that rejection really isn't as bad as I always fear it to be. I went down in a flames, but it really didn't matter. I think in a few weeks, with good effort, I should be able to get to the point where I'm talking to women regularly. I mean that I'll start saying, "Hi" to women everywhere I can, and I'll be making more than 3-4 approaches on a bar outing. I'm sure I'll face problems with steering the conversations in the right directions, and I'll need to learn how and when to close, but I'll worry about that later.
Lately, I find that the only thing I feel passion for is sarging. That's pickup artist speak for going out to pickup women, or in my case, attempting to pick up women. Today we celebrated my friend Ajay's birthday. We had dinner in Chinatown and then went to Lion Head Pub/The Apartment. It's a two story estbalishment on Lincoln Ave, several blocks south of Fullerton Ave. On the bottom floor is a bar area. There are multiple TV's and tables. Music is played, but conversations can still take place without yelling or having to speak directly into the ears. On the second floor is a dance club area that the place calls "The Apartment. There's a small lounge area with a bar, and another oval shaped bar next to the dance floor. The dance floor, though, is the main attraction. As I found out today, The Apartment is a terrible place to try to have a conversation with someone.
I wore a hooded cape costume with a screen mask. It would best be described as a "Death" costume, meaning Death from the Gauntlet video game. I was hoping that I'd be brave enough to dance with random girls on the dance floor, but that game is slightly harder that I expected. I've read some articles on fastseduction.com concerning dance floor moves. My understanding is that I'm supposed to just go up to girls and dance near them. Then, I'm supposed to make eye contact and position myself in front of them. Next, I start mirroring their dance moves and proceed from there. Another option is to stand near the edge of the dance floor and pull girls in. As I have no dance skills at all, my best move is supposed to be for me to do a quick dance and then lead the girl off the dance floor for a conversation. What I'm unclear about is what I'm supposed to do when there are multiple girls dancing with each other, or when multiple girls walk near or through the dance floor. I imagine the answer is to just grab one and start dancing, but without a wingman, it seems that the other girl would probably cockblock.
My frustrations with the dance floor scene spilled over into my regular pickup mission for a the first few hours. Well, I am being a little hard on myself by saying that. I did do better than the last time I was out at the bar. On my previous outing, for Jason's birthday, I said, "Hi" to either one or two girls. At the beginning, I wasn't willing to go approach girls, but I was saying, "Hi" to random girls. When I saw girls walking off the dance floor, or walking down the stairs, I'd force myself to say stuff like, "Where are you going? The party is this way (me pointing towards the dance floor)." I also said, "Hi" to just a few random girls that I walked by. I think these small steps is what allowed me to make bigger strides later. Developing confidence to talk to woman and not caring about the outcome is probably the hardest part of the pickup game, at least at the beginner level. When I scare myself with my imagination, I imagine that girls will totally ignore me when I try to talk to them. Sometimes that happens, but I was surprised to see that some girls responded to the comments I made, or said, "Hi" back.
I made my first real approach during the costume contest. Some finalists for best costume were presented on the stage near the dance floor. I worked my way near the front and saw a cute blonde (probably a 7) standing near me. She seemed to be along, so I decided to make my move. I noticed that she kept giving a thumbs down to all the costumes that came up. I opened by saying something like, "You don't like any of the costumes to you." We talked for about 5 minutes. I learned she was a social worker. I think I did okay with the "fluff talk" but it was hard to hear her, so sometimes I'd just pretend that I understood something. I suppose I did decently as she did ask me for my name after I had talked to her for a few minutes. Unfortunately, I found out that she was there with her boyfriend. I wasn't phased, as I had read the "boyfriend destroyer" articles, but when I tried to ask where he was again, (I had asked earlier, but I couldn't understand her answer) she told me that he and some of the their friends were in one of the earlier costume groups that I missed. Some day in the future, maybe I'll be able to close a girl that has a boyfriend in bar with her, but that time is not now. To my credit, I talked for a few minutes until she went to go talk to him when the contest was over. I stuck around just to try to show that I didn't care that she had a boyfriend with her.
After my first encounter, I made a few more attempts, but the loud music really cramped my style. I did try going downstairs to the bar area, but I didn't see any good groups to open. I'm still working on getting confidence to approach a solo girl. I think I'd approach a set of two girls, but I'm not ready to open a large group or girls, or a mixed group. There were some great opportunities earlier in the night, but unfortunately I was too chicken at the time. I just have to learn that I have to start making approaches immediately after I enter the bar. Upstairs, I did find some girls to open.
As I went to the bar for a drink, I saw a blonde with bunny ears. She was probably a 6. She was definately not as cute as the first girl I opened. I could tell by her first responses that she was neither interesting, nor interested. Maybe she wasn't interesting because she wasn't interested, but whatever. I said, "Hi" to her and made some comment like "Are you taking a break from the dance floor." I had to repeat the comment twice as she had a hard time hearing me, then she responded with some comment that was inaudible to me. I then tried the "What's your story line?" She heard me that time, but responded with "I don't have one." Blah! Obviously this conversation was going nowhere ,but I decided to make one final attempt anyway. I replied, "What do you mean? Everyone has a story. Who are you, what are you passionate about?" LOL, that was a good one. She couldn't understand me through the music. She looked bored, and I saw her looking for her friend. Frankly, I was bored and frustrated so I was happy to end the conversation. Funny thing about the whole thing is that crashing and burning didn't cause me any pain at all.
My next move was with a fat girl who was probably a 5. I didn't intend to work down the rating system, but I wasn't being picky here. I just wanted to open with any girls that I felt I had an opportunity to open. Again, hearing problems dampened things. Worse yet, she was in a mixed group. I didn't realize this when I opened her initially (they weren't standing all together, but they were all in the general area). Her friend kept interupting her, and then suddenly she decided to dance with one of her guy friends. I guess I hadn't established value properly. I had tried to get her to come to the dance floor right before that. I said, "Let's go dance." Her response was that she couldn't come with, and then she started to dance with one of her guy friends. I stood there feeling helpless and like a total AFC. I decided to redeem myself after 10 seconds by leaning towards her and saying, "Well, it's been fun. Take care."
My last attempt seemed like it had the most promise. I saw a blonde (HB:7) about my height dancing with her shorter brunette friend. At this point, I knew I wasn't going to be able to pull the dance move so I just sat there on "death row" holding up my wall. A few minutes later, I saw the blonde walking away from her friend. When I looked at her friend, I saw that the brunette was dancing with some guy. I followed the blonde with my eyes and saw her sit at a table by herself. I'd like to say that I followed the 3 second rule, but I admit I violated it. I was quick enough, though, that I didn't talk myself out of approaching. I walked the long way around the bar so I could get to her table. I then approached her from the side, and leaned in her ear and said, "Hi. You had some nice moves out there."
You can guy what happened then. Yes, I had to repeat myself so she could understand me. The conversation was really frustrating because we couldn't hear each other through the music. She seemed like she wanted to talk, though. Instead of giving up right away like the bunny-eared girl, this one kept trying to have the conversation work. When I began to show some frustrations (and this was like 20 seconds into the approach), she apologized for being tired. I took that as she was apologizing for not giving great answers, and in a way she was saying that was an additional reason why we were having such a hard time talking. Her friend showed up from the dance floor about 30 seconds into our attempted conversation. I figured she was going to leave me standing like an AFC like the fat girl had. Instead, I saw the two friends having problems communicating because of the noise. The friend soon left us alone and went back to her new guy friend.
Now, I did the dumbest thing, and Ajay even called it. When I explained what happened to me, his immediate response was that I should have asked the girl to come down to the bar area with me. The thought had occurred to me, but, at the time, I dismissed it as unlikely to succeed. I figured I hadn't established enough rapport for her to come downstairs with me. Of course, that was dumb. That might have been true, but I should have at least asked her to come to the Lion Head Pub area so we could have a better conversation. Instead, I let my frustration take over me, and my AFC self appear. Instead of inviting her to come downstairs to talk, I leaned to her and said, "You know, this is too difficult. In a different time and place, this might have worked."
Oh well. I learned a good lesson. I'll be sure not to repeat this mistake next time.
In conclusion, I think I did pretty well. I have a long way to go, but if this were a roleplaying game, I would definately have gained one or two levels. I accomplished more than what I did last time at Lion Head Pub. I made some mistakes, but I think I can learn from them. Next time, I won't wait so long to begin making approaches. I also will ask a women to move to a quiter area if the music is ruining our conversation. Such a move would not have worked with the bunny girl, but it might have worked with the last one. Most importantly, I'd say I learned that rejection really isn't as bad as I always fear it to be. I went down in a flames, but it really didn't matter. I think in a few weeks, with good effort, I should be able to get to the point where I'm talking to women regularly. I mean that I'll start saying, "Hi" to women everywhere I can, and I'll be making more than 3-4 approaches on a bar outing. I'm sure I'll face problems with steering the conversations in the right directions, and I'll need to learn how and when to close, but I'll worry about that later.
