Sunday, October 16, 2005
USE IT!
I keep repeating that line to myself. It comes from the movie Reign of Fire. In one scene, Christian Bale's character is having an emotional breakdown just as he and Matthew McConaughey's character are about to face the dragon that killed Bale's characeter's mother. McConaughey's character's advice was "Use it." In other words, instead of sitting there crying like an idiot and letting your emotions render you helpless, you should draw strength from the hurt and anger and focus on killing the dragon. I felt such hurt and anger today because of Beata. She was supposed to call me sometime in the morning and arrange to meet up with Greg and I to see I am an Sex Addict at the Chicago International Film Festival. What I expected would happen was Beata and I would ride together and meet Greg at the theater. Then, we'd watch the first movie, grab some dinner, and then Beata and I would watch Bee Season.
Somehow, I woke up around 10am after staying up until 4:30am reading The Game. This exercise and semi-healthier eating seems to be working. I woke up almost completely well-rested and I decided that I'd need to get a haircut as my head was begging to resemble an industrial mop. Beata has told me that I don't look that good with a buzz cut. I knew I'd look better with some styling, but I decided on a buzz cut anyway. I think I made the decision as an act of defiance to Beata (which I thought would help me get over her), and because it was a simple haircut to request. I called Greg on the way to the barber and tried to convey my excitement at beginning my quest. I keep hoping that I can get him as excited as I am about all this because I know that if we work together on this as a team, we have a good chance of improving ourselves.
After the barber, I decided to call Beata. She didn't answer. I figured her date with her new Polish guy had lasted late into the night, and I figured she had probably had sex with him. I decided to go for a run to clear my head and I had it set in my mind that I was going to enjoy the day better without seeing her. During my cooldown walk, I called Greg and he seemed excited about embarking on our quest to become PUA, but he suggested that the day would go smoother if I just ditched Beata completely. Just as I close to leaving for the city, Beata ended up calling and telling me she had just got up. I made a comment she must have had some late night fun. She almost hung up on me, but then said she was going to take a shower and would be ready soon.
The new me that I want to become wanted to just head for the city and show Beata that I no longer cared what she did; I wanted to show that I would just go on with my life. Instead, I acted like the AFC I still am and waited 15 minutes before driving to the city. I ended up almost missing the movie because I hit unexpected traffic. Beata called me just as I was about to enter a parking garage and told me that she'd be missing the first movie but would hook up with us later. That angered me for several reasons. First, I was angry at myself for having waited even though I knew better. Next, I had to pay for this ticket even though we had a pass for the festival that still had 3 movie slots remaining. Third, I was frustrated because I had begun to look forward to a day without Beata. I figured Greg and I would have had more time to develop our game if she hadn't decided to show up.
Beata showed up after Sex Addict finished. Instead of joining us for dinner, she said she had bought a ticket for a movie playing at 4pm. She asked me to go with, but I refused as I was hungry, wanted to work on my game, and didn't want to ditch Greg. I did want to see another movie and wanted to spend time with her despite all my frustrations with earlier events. I guess my mind was warped by the fact that Beata's legs looked sexy in the white linen dress she was wearing and she had obviously made herself up. I suggsted that Beata and I should see a show after Bee Season instead. She hestitated and rejected the idea in a way that I knew meant she already had plans with the Polish guy. Oh well, I should have known she wouldn't make herself up for me anymore. I guess that's why she took so long to get ready and missed the first movie. Naturally, this brought back a stronger version of my feelings of anger and frustration that had disappeared on account of her legs. A few days ago, I probably would have convinced Greg to go to Pizzerria Due and take down a huge stuffed pizza, but today I decided to channel the energy into motivation... I decided to "Use it!"
Newbie Mission:
I explained to Greg that we'd have to learn to handle rejection or we'd never get anywhere. I described the simple mission that I'd read about, which was simply to go to a mall and say, "Hi" to as many women as we could. In the saftey of my home, my imagination convinced me that this would be an easy task. My true fear hid inside me. I suspected it might still be there when I made my first moves, but my perceptions of my feelings were clouded by the confidence I had built by various self-affirmations. My fear rained out and paralyzed me from talking to any women as we walked towards Rosebud. I kept trying to get Greg to make a first move to inspire me, but he said I'd have to do things myself today. After a few seconds of thought, I realized that fueling our competitive drives would be my only chance to get us to proceed with this mission. First, I suggested that if I said, "Hi" to five girls, he should then proceed to do it. He quickly agreed but I still didn't feel like I could break through my fear and I didn't think he would either. A few blocks later, I suggested involving money. My idea sparked his interest. After all, traders, like poker players, have a strong competitive drive when it comes to wagering money. We ended up wagering that whoever said "Hi" more times would win a free drink. The conditions were that he or I had to make at least 20 greetings and win by at least 6 greetings to qualify. To make it more of an incentive to really blow away an opponnent, I said if one of us reached 50 greetings, then the drink would turn into a dinner. Finally, to speed things up, we said that if a girl responded to our greeting, it would count as two.
The game started when we walked into Water Tower Place. As we rode up the entrance escalators, I spotted a girl standing by a railing. I thought about the three second rule I had read about. As we walked, I then explained to Greg that I should approach from the front, but at an angle so as not to startle her. I then proceed to change direction as I was walking towards her because I got butterflies. Greg that commented that he'd developed some courage and would greet that same girl and steal my goal. We ended up walking by her again to no avail. At that point, we realized that we both might be content to stand around there doing nothing, so Greg said we should just go eat.
I then summoned some courage and exclaimed, "No, I want that free drink."
I then saw a semi-attractive blonde standing by the directory on our level. I walked towards her and when I got next to her I turned my head and said, "Hi."
She reciprocated my greeting and then I said the first line I could think of at the time. I said, "Do know what restaurants are good here?"
She replied, "No, I'm not from around here."
Now, the PUA in training in me recognized that the conversation could still continue and I had a logical follow-up question. The AFC in me took over, though, as I just said, "Okay, thanks" and walked away as she apologized for not having any information.
Still, I felt good that I had at least made my first greeting and I proceed to rub the 2-0 score in Greg's face. We analyzed the encounter as we walked to Rosebud Steakhouse. I realized that I hadn't prepared myself to continue any conversation as I had only planned on saying, "Hi." Clearly, I should have continued the conversation by asking her where she was from. I probably would have learned she's from out-of-state. As she was alone at the directory, I also might have learned she was here alone for whatever reason and was staying at a nearby hotel. I've lived in Chicago my whole life, so I easily could have been her guide around town. Oh well, I failed to continue the conversation because of my usual insecurity. I wasn't prepared to continue, and I was afraid I was bothering her so I terminated the conversation.
I'm made a baby step, and I hope I can do better next time. Greg and I have decided to continue our game when we meet up at some suburban mall next week. I'm leading 2-0 and I hope that by drawing on what I learned from this analysis, I can win a free dinner and weaken the grip that my fear of rejection continues to have on me.
I keep repeating that line to myself. It comes from the movie Reign of Fire. In one scene, Christian Bale's character is having an emotional breakdown just as he and Matthew McConaughey's character are about to face the dragon that killed Bale's characeter's mother. McConaughey's character's advice was "Use it." In other words, instead of sitting there crying like an idiot and letting your emotions render you helpless, you should draw strength from the hurt and anger and focus on killing the dragon. I felt such hurt and anger today because of Beata. She was supposed to call me sometime in the morning and arrange to meet up with Greg and I to see I am an Sex Addict at the Chicago International Film Festival. What I expected would happen was Beata and I would ride together and meet Greg at the theater. Then, we'd watch the first movie, grab some dinner, and then Beata and I would watch Bee Season.
Somehow, I woke up around 10am after staying up until 4:30am reading The Game. This exercise and semi-healthier eating seems to be working. I woke up almost completely well-rested and I decided that I'd need to get a haircut as my head was begging to resemble an industrial mop. Beata has told me that I don't look that good with a buzz cut. I knew I'd look better with some styling, but I decided on a buzz cut anyway. I think I made the decision as an act of defiance to Beata (which I thought would help me get over her), and because it was a simple haircut to request. I called Greg on the way to the barber and tried to convey my excitement at beginning my quest. I keep hoping that I can get him as excited as I am about all this because I know that if we work together on this as a team, we have a good chance of improving ourselves.
After the barber, I decided to call Beata. She didn't answer. I figured her date with her new Polish guy had lasted late into the night, and I figured she had probably had sex with him. I decided to go for a run to clear my head and I had it set in my mind that I was going to enjoy the day better without seeing her. During my cooldown walk, I called Greg and he seemed excited about embarking on our quest to become PUA, but he suggested that the day would go smoother if I just ditched Beata completely. Just as I close to leaving for the city, Beata ended up calling and telling me she had just got up. I made a comment she must have had some late night fun. She almost hung up on me, but then said she was going to take a shower and would be ready soon.
The new me that I want to become wanted to just head for the city and show Beata that I no longer cared what she did; I wanted to show that I would just go on with my life. Instead, I acted like the AFC I still am and waited 15 minutes before driving to the city. I ended up almost missing the movie because I hit unexpected traffic. Beata called me just as I was about to enter a parking garage and told me that she'd be missing the first movie but would hook up with us later. That angered me for several reasons. First, I was angry at myself for having waited even though I knew better. Next, I had to pay for this ticket even though we had a pass for the festival that still had 3 movie slots remaining. Third, I was frustrated because I had begun to look forward to a day without Beata. I figured Greg and I would have had more time to develop our game if she hadn't decided to show up.
Beata showed up after Sex Addict finished. Instead of joining us for dinner, she said she had bought a ticket for a movie playing at 4pm. She asked me to go with, but I refused as I was hungry, wanted to work on my game, and didn't want to ditch Greg. I did want to see another movie and wanted to spend time with her despite all my frustrations with earlier events. I guess my mind was warped by the fact that Beata's legs looked sexy in the white linen dress she was wearing and she had obviously made herself up. I suggsted that Beata and I should see a show after Bee Season instead. She hestitated and rejected the idea in a way that I knew meant she already had plans with the Polish guy. Oh well, I should have known she wouldn't make herself up for me anymore. I guess that's why she took so long to get ready and missed the first movie. Naturally, this brought back a stronger version of my feelings of anger and frustration that had disappeared on account of her legs. A few days ago, I probably would have convinced Greg to go to Pizzerria Due and take down a huge stuffed pizza, but today I decided to channel the energy into motivation... I decided to "Use it!"
Newbie Mission:
I explained to Greg that we'd have to learn to handle rejection or we'd never get anywhere. I described the simple mission that I'd read about, which was simply to go to a mall and say, "Hi" to as many women as we could. In the saftey of my home, my imagination convinced me that this would be an easy task. My true fear hid inside me. I suspected it might still be there when I made my first moves, but my perceptions of my feelings were clouded by the confidence I had built by various self-affirmations. My fear rained out and paralyzed me from talking to any women as we walked towards Rosebud. I kept trying to get Greg to make a first move to inspire me, but he said I'd have to do things myself today. After a few seconds of thought, I realized that fueling our competitive drives would be my only chance to get us to proceed with this mission. First, I suggested that if I said, "Hi" to five girls, he should then proceed to do it. He quickly agreed but I still didn't feel like I could break through my fear and I didn't think he would either. A few blocks later, I suggested involving money. My idea sparked his interest. After all, traders, like poker players, have a strong competitive drive when it comes to wagering money. We ended up wagering that whoever said "Hi" more times would win a free drink. The conditions were that he or I had to make at least 20 greetings and win by at least 6 greetings to qualify. To make it more of an incentive to really blow away an opponnent, I said if one of us reached 50 greetings, then the drink would turn into a dinner. Finally, to speed things up, we said that if a girl responded to our greeting, it would count as two.
The game started when we walked into Water Tower Place. As we rode up the entrance escalators, I spotted a girl standing by a railing. I thought about the three second rule I had read about. As we walked, I then explained to Greg that I should approach from the front, but at an angle so as not to startle her. I then proceed to change direction as I was walking towards her because I got butterflies. Greg that commented that he'd developed some courage and would greet that same girl and steal my goal. We ended up walking by her again to no avail. At that point, we realized that we both might be content to stand around there doing nothing, so Greg said we should just go eat.
I then summoned some courage and exclaimed, "No, I want that free drink."
I then saw a semi-attractive blonde standing by the directory on our level. I walked towards her and when I got next to her I turned my head and said, "Hi."
She reciprocated my greeting and then I said the first line I could think of at the time. I said, "Do know what restaurants are good here?"
She replied, "No, I'm not from around here."
Now, the PUA in training in me recognized that the conversation could still continue and I had a logical follow-up question. The AFC in me took over, though, as I just said, "Okay, thanks" and walked away as she apologized for not having any information.
Still, I felt good that I had at least made my first greeting and I proceed to rub the 2-0 score in Greg's face. We analyzed the encounter as we walked to Rosebud Steakhouse. I realized that I hadn't prepared myself to continue any conversation as I had only planned on saying, "Hi." Clearly, I should have continued the conversation by asking her where she was from. I probably would have learned she's from out-of-state. As she was alone at the directory, I also might have learned she was here alone for whatever reason and was staying at a nearby hotel. I've lived in Chicago my whole life, so I easily could have been her guide around town. Oh well, I failed to continue the conversation because of my usual insecurity. I wasn't prepared to continue, and I was afraid I was bothering her so I terminated the conversation.
I'm made a baby step, and I hope I can do better next time. Greg and I have decided to continue our game when we meet up at some suburban mall next week. I'm leading 2-0 and I hope that by drawing on what I learned from this analysis, I can win a free dinner and weaken the grip that my fear of rejection continues to have on me.
