Monday, December 12, 2005
A weird situation and Recovery:
I'm finally feeling well again, but my game has been set back. It seems like sarging is something I have to do several times a week or I find myself back in my AFC mindframe. I went out Friday to Accent Cafe (a Polish club) with Sidegames and my ex. That was a mistake for several reasons. First, I was still recovering from my cold so I wasn't feeling that great. Next, Sidegames basically told me that he didn't want to hang out with my ex and I anymore unless I gave him permission to date her. He then told me that he didn't want to mess up our friendship my dating my ex-girlfriend. I can tell I was in the wrong frame that day because I agreed to his proposal partly because I thought I'd gain confidence by going out with both Sidegames and my ex.
I'm beginning to think that Seamas is right that trying to use my ex as a pivot is a bad idea. I guess the reason I've wanted to do this is I somehow thought I could make my frame so strong that no one, including my ex, can pull me out of it. Perhaps, some day, that will be possible, but Friday wasn't the day. We got to Accent Cafe and around 10PM and it was dead. An hour later, it picked up a little, but there were way more guys than girls. When I was on the phone with Seamas near the bathroom, I saw this three set walk by. The three girls were all wearing short skirts and they were at least 8's or 8.5's. (On a sidenote, I think I'm very reluctant to rate girls 9's or higher. Seamas keeps telling me about these 9's that he sees. Now perhaps he is exposed to more 9's in FL, but I still think he gives the 9 rating too liberally. I've only rated one woman I've seen while sarging a 9+. I'm betting he might have reated these girls 9's, but again, I'm more harsh.) After I got off the phone, I saw them at the bar.
Here is where I made a mistake. I should have just went and opened them, but instead, I acted like and AFC And told my ex and Sidegames that I wanted to open them. A few minutes later, the girls ended up taking a table next to me, and instead of opening them right away, I started to think about it too much instead. Violating the three second rule is definately a bad idea as I felt like I couldn't open them now because I had waited too long.
On the bright side, I did notice how I could have opened them. As they were the only groups of girls in the bar, they quickly got approached by several guys. Now that I understand game better, I could see obvious mistakes these idiots were making. One guy kept leaning in to talk to one girl so I knew he was going to get blown out. On top of that, he failed to talk to the other two girls in the group. Another guy made the same mistake of not talking to the whole group and not isolating. I contemplated leaning over and talking to the two girls that weren't getting approached, but I couldn't do it.
About ten minutes later, we checked out the downstairs area. We sat down by the dance floor and I saw a two set walk in. If I had been there by myself, and been in my PUA or even rAFC mode, I would have had a decent chance with that set. The set immediately split itself. A brunette in pink (HB7.5 or 8) started dancing by herself. Thinking back on things, I wish Jason had been here with me. He could have danced with her as that was his game. Even without a wing, I had a perfect opportunity as the friend HB7blonde sat by herself on the dance floor. If I had been in my sarging frame, I could have easily gamed her.
Sidegames wants to leave the bar, and my ex thinks I could sarge better at Alumni Club so they suggest we go over there. I stupidly agree when I really should have just sarged this set before we left. (Again, I could tell I was letting myself get pulled into frames instead of me being in control.) On the way there, my ex talks about how drunk she is. By the time we get to Alumni Club, they both don't really want to go in. Sidegames wants to grab food and both of them were really getting on my nerves. I was mad that they pushed me to leave the other club, and then I was mad that they made it hard for me to enter Alumni. They said we could go in, but I knew my inner game was so messed up at this point that I'd likely just stand around and do nothing.
Lessons:
-This Sidegames situation is just messed up. I think he'd be good for my ex as he can offer her the things she always wanted. She's always wanted a guy that could provide for her expensive tastes and ultimately she wants to be a stay-at-home mom. Sidegames has always said that he'd want a woman who would stay home with the kids and he makes a lot of cash, so he could take car of her. I worry that he just wants to use her for sex, and I even told him that. He said that I'm that one that's out sarging all the time, and he's the one that wants to date girls (when he's not out doing the thing he did in Maui.) I let this ball start rolling, so I guess I'm just going to have to live with it. I can see that his game is on the AFC level, so he won't be able to get her attracted, have sex with her, and then leave her. His game is going to be to take her out on dates, and that might be good for both of them. My ex claims that she won't give it up easily anymore (like she did with me.) Now, the rAFC in me knows that girls say this crap and then still give it up, but again, I don't think Sidegames has the game to accomplish that.
-The last two days I haven't felt like sarging. I've read mASF almost every day (other then when I was on vacation) and I didn't feel like reading it Sat or Sun. In some ways, I felt like I was in danger of being an AFC again. I keep thinking back on Friday and I'm made that I didn't approach and I'm afraid my next outing (which will definately be a solo one) will be hard b/c I'll have approach anxiety again.
-I forced myself to read mASF and I can honestly say that I feel better. I got the energy to write this entry which is helping me sort out my feelings. Reading field reports has gotten me in a positive mood again. I'm not competely in the right mideset, but I know that if I go run or lift weights today, that'll help move things along. As I've said in the past, exercise is key to keeping me in an upbeat mood. The cold last week set me back in the department because I was too sick to work out. Since I couldn't work out, I started to try to compensate for those missed endorphines by overeating. Of course, overeating just helped feed my negative feelings. When I go workout, I'll feel better. I can see myself sarging on Tuesday night.
I'm finally feeling well again, but my game has been set back. It seems like sarging is something I have to do several times a week or I find myself back in my AFC mindframe. I went out Friday to Accent Cafe (a Polish club) with Sidegames and my ex. That was a mistake for several reasons. First, I was still recovering from my cold so I wasn't feeling that great. Next, Sidegames basically told me that he didn't want to hang out with my ex and I anymore unless I gave him permission to date her. He then told me that he didn't want to mess up our friendship my dating my ex-girlfriend. I can tell I was in the wrong frame that day because I agreed to his proposal partly because I thought I'd gain confidence by going out with both Sidegames and my ex.
I'm beginning to think that Seamas is right that trying to use my ex as a pivot is a bad idea. I guess the reason I've wanted to do this is I somehow thought I could make my frame so strong that no one, including my ex, can pull me out of it. Perhaps, some day, that will be possible, but Friday wasn't the day. We got to Accent Cafe and around 10PM and it was dead. An hour later, it picked up a little, but there were way more guys than girls. When I was on the phone with Seamas near the bathroom, I saw this three set walk by. The three girls were all wearing short skirts and they were at least 8's or 8.5's. (On a sidenote, I think I'm very reluctant to rate girls 9's or higher. Seamas keeps telling me about these 9's that he sees. Now perhaps he is exposed to more 9's in FL, but I still think he gives the 9 rating too liberally. I've only rated one woman I've seen while sarging a 9+. I'm betting he might have reated these girls 9's, but again, I'm more harsh.) After I got off the phone, I saw them at the bar.
Here is where I made a mistake. I should have just went and opened them, but instead, I acted like and AFC And told my ex and Sidegames that I wanted to open them. A few minutes later, the girls ended up taking a table next to me, and instead of opening them right away, I started to think about it too much instead. Violating the three second rule is definately a bad idea as I felt like I couldn't open them now because I had waited too long.
On the bright side, I did notice how I could have opened them. As they were the only groups of girls in the bar, they quickly got approached by several guys. Now that I understand game better, I could see obvious mistakes these idiots were making. One guy kept leaning in to talk to one girl so I knew he was going to get blown out. On top of that, he failed to talk to the other two girls in the group. Another guy made the same mistake of not talking to the whole group and not isolating. I contemplated leaning over and talking to the two girls that weren't getting approached, but I couldn't do it.
About ten minutes later, we checked out the downstairs area. We sat down by the dance floor and I saw a two set walk in. If I had been there by myself, and been in my PUA or even rAFC mode, I would have had a decent chance with that set. The set immediately split itself. A brunette in pink (HB7.5 or 8) started dancing by herself. Thinking back on things, I wish Jason had been here with me. He could have danced with her as that was his game. Even without a wing, I had a perfect opportunity as the friend HB7blonde sat by herself on the dance floor. If I had been in my sarging frame, I could have easily gamed her.
Sidegames wants to leave the bar, and my ex thinks I could sarge better at Alumni Club so they suggest we go over there. I stupidly agree when I really should have just sarged this set before we left. (Again, I could tell I was letting myself get pulled into frames instead of me being in control.) On the way there, my ex talks about how drunk she is. By the time we get to Alumni Club, they both don't really want to go in. Sidegames wants to grab food and both of them were really getting on my nerves. I was mad that they pushed me to leave the other club, and then I was mad that they made it hard for me to enter Alumni. They said we could go in, but I knew my inner game was so messed up at this point that I'd likely just stand around and do nothing.
Lessons:
-This Sidegames situation is just messed up. I think he'd be good for my ex as he can offer her the things she always wanted. She's always wanted a guy that could provide for her expensive tastes and ultimately she wants to be a stay-at-home mom. Sidegames has always said that he'd want a woman who would stay home with the kids and he makes a lot of cash, so he could take car of her. I worry that he just wants to use her for sex, and I even told him that. He said that I'm that one that's out sarging all the time, and he's the one that wants to date girls (when he's not out doing the thing he did in Maui.) I let this ball start rolling, so I guess I'm just going to have to live with it. I can see that his game is on the AFC level, so he won't be able to get her attracted, have sex with her, and then leave her. His game is going to be to take her out on dates, and that might be good for both of them. My ex claims that she won't give it up easily anymore (like she did with me.) Now, the rAFC in me knows that girls say this crap and then still give it up, but again, I don't think Sidegames has the game to accomplish that.
-The last two days I haven't felt like sarging. I've read mASF almost every day (other then when I was on vacation) and I didn't feel like reading it Sat or Sun. In some ways, I felt like I was in danger of being an AFC again. I keep thinking back on Friday and I'm made that I didn't approach and I'm afraid my next outing (which will definately be a solo one) will be hard b/c I'll have approach anxiety again.
-I forced myself to read mASF and I can honestly say that I feel better. I got the energy to write this entry which is helping me sort out my feelings. Reading field reports has gotten me in a positive mood again. I'm not competely in the right mideset, but I know that if I go run or lift weights today, that'll help move things along. As I've said in the past, exercise is key to keeping me in an upbeat mood. The cold last week set me back in the department because I was too sick to work out. Since I couldn't work out, I started to try to compensate for those missed endorphines by overeating. Of course, overeating just helped feed my negative feelings. When I go workout, I'll feel better. I can see myself sarging on Tuesday night.
