Monday, April 24, 2006
Finishing off Approach Anxiety: Sarging is like a RPG?:
Last night, Seamas and I talk extensively about sarging. He finally watched some of Mystery's DVD material and got inspired by all the new material. He also had listened in earlier in the day to an approach I made at Starbucks. First, I'll write a brief report about the Starbucks set and then, more importantly, I'll explain a VERY important realization that I made.
Starbucks approach:
I saw three sets at Starbucks late Sunday afternoon. I was on the phone with Seamas the whole time so I didn't want to approach this blonde who was sitting near my table. Instead, I got a refill and approached this HB with glasses on the other side of the Streets of Woodfield Starbucks. She was alone and was obviously doing some work as she had a laptop in front of here. I took the headset out of my ears and walked over (I had told Seamas he could listen in and then just hang up when he got bored). I did the tent opener. About 40 secs into the set, I just sat down while I was talking b/c I've learned that if you keep standing up, it makes you look low value b/c you're less comfortable than the set.
I thought it was going well b/c she lowered the laptop screen so she could focus on our conversation. We also maintained eye contact. (I think I need to hold eye contact for longer. I'm always afraid of looking psycho, but they say if you blink, it's okay to hold it for long periods.) She ended up being into travel so I got her thinking about her past trips. When you get someone to recall good memories, they also recall the good feelings they have associated with those memories and they attribute some of the good feelings to you. We talked until she said she had to go. I then asked, "What steps can we take to make sure we can talk again?" She responded, to my surprise, "I have a boyfriend." I went another 20% as Mystery recommends and said, "Is he not open to you meeting new people?" She said no and that was that.
I got some constructive criticism from Seamas. First, he said he could tell I was nervous at the opener, but I slowly did get more comfortable. I realize now that when I get good, I'll be comfortable the whole time which will put the girl at ease. He said I also was too linear with my conversation and I should work on using Mystery's multi-thread theory. In addition to that, I noticed that I was still speaking too softly. I know I this problem but I'm afraid of overcompensating by talking too loudly. For now, I just have to try to talk louder even if I end up overcompensating b/c that's better than talking too softly. I also need to throw in negs, though I don't think they were necessary here. I should also sit closer to the HB so I could kino.
Approach Anxiety holding back progress:
I've always known this to be true. The community stresses that field practice is the ONLY way to really get better. It's great that I've read theory, but reading isn't going to get me farther. This morning, I recognized that I've made great progress, but I also respected the long, difficult path that I still need to follow to become a PUA. I thought about all the improvement that I still need to make to my game. I tried to plan some conversation, but I really began to understand how progress is only going to come from more sets. I probably need a few thousand more sets to get past the rAFC level and every time I don't approach a set or practice game, I'm just postponing my progress. If I keep avoiding sets, that it'll just take that much longer to become a PUA. Instead of 2-3 years, it might take 5-6 years. For every set that I approach, I improve my game slightly. I learn calibration, I get more comfortable with my material, and I feel good. I do realize that getting rejected is that bad. I'm also starting to frame the rejection better. After the Starbuck's failure, I blamed my game. I used to tell myself that I got rejected b/c she thought I was a loser. I worried that I'd never be able to attract women. Now, I just realize that it's my game. All I have to do it approach more sets and I'll fix my problems.
Game on always:
While I make a lot of approaches now, I seem to have an on-off button for my game. When I decide that I'm going out sarging, I get myself into a state where I'm ready to approach. When I'm out running errands or hitting the gym, I'm in an off state. I need to put myself into a default "on" state. There are women working at the gym and working out. I don't need to run game like I normally would on sets, but I need to get friendly. I need to say, "Hi" to everyone. I focused on that early in the game b/c I needed to get more comfortable with social situations in general, but lately, I've been feeling that it's not worth the effort. I now realize that every bit of practice helps. I also should be friendly and flirtatious with all the hired guns I run into, especially the ones that I'll see frequently. If I run good game at the gym girls, eventually some of them will really start to like me.
RPG goals:
I always loved how you knew how many experience points or tasks you needed to complete in a roleplaying game to get to the next level. Of course, it's hard to define the levels in this PUA game, but I think it might be useful to just set some temporary and long term goals. I had fun counting approaches and now I'm going to do it again. I had a problem defining approaches, but I think I have a solution. I'm going to define an approach as a genuine attempt to run game. If I open a girl and she busts out my opener, that counts an approach. Just saying, "Hi" with no real attempt to run game is not an approach, but I'm going to start counting that. I figure if I give myself some numbers to check off, I'll get more into the game, much like I've gotten into RPG's in the past.
-Say "Hi" to 400 guys
-Say "Hi" to 300 girls
-Make 100 approaches
-Get day 2's that don't flake
-Get 1 lay
I think those are reasonable goals, but some of them are probably too easy. Saying, "Hi" is simple, but at least this will force me to do that. I'm going to keep a running count of each thing. I'll also track # closes and the percentage of flakes.
Last night, Seamas and I talk extensively about sarging. He finally watched some of Mystery's DVD material and got inspired by all the new material. He also had listened in earlier in the day to an approach I made at Starbucks. First, I'll write a brief report about the Starbucks set and then, more importantly, I'll explain a VERY important realization that I made.
Starbucks approach:
I saw three sets at Starbucks late Sunday afternoon. I was on the phone with Seamas the whole time so I didn't want to approach this blonde who was sitting near my table. Instead, I got a refill and approached this HB with glasses on the other side of the Streets of Woodfield Starbucks. She was alone and was obviously doing some work as she had a laptop in front of here. I took the headset out of my ears and walked over (I had told Seamas he could listen in and then just hang up when he got bored). I did the tent opener. About 40 secs into the set, I just sat down while I was talking b/c I've learned that if you keep standing up, it makes you look low value b/c you're less comfortable than the set.
I thought it was going well b/c she lowered the laptop screen so she could focus on our conversation. We also maintained eye contact. (I think I need to hold eye contact for longer. I'm always afraid of looking psycho, but they say if you blink, it's okay to hold it for long periods.) She ended up being into travel so I got her thinking about her past trips. When you get someone to recall good memories, they also recall the good feelings they have associated with those memories and they attribute some of the good feelings to you. We talked until she said she had to go. I then asked, "What steps can we take to make sure we can talk again?" She responded, to my surprise, "I have a boyfriend." I went another 20% as Mystery recommends and said, "Is he not open to you meeting new people?" She said no and that was that.
I got some constructive criticism from Seamas. First, he said he could tell I was nervous at the opener, but I slowly did get more comfortable. I realize now that when I get good, I'll be comfortable the whole time which will put the girl at ease. He said I also was too linear with my conversation and I should work on using Mystery's multi-thread theory. In addition to that, I noticed that I was still speaking too softly. I know I this problem but I'm afraid of overcompensating by talking too loudly. For now, I just have to try to talk louder even if I end up overcompensating b/c that's better than talking too softly. I also need to throw in negs, though I don't think they were necessary here. I should also sit closer to the HB so I could kino.
Approach Anxiety holding back progress:
I've always known this to be true. The community stresses that field practice is the ONLY way to really get better. It's great that I've read theory, but reading isn't going to get me farther. This morning, I recognized that I've made great progress, but I also respected the long, difficult path that I still need to follow to become a PUA. I thought about all the improvement that I still need to make to my game. I tried to plan some conversation, but I really began to understand how progress is only going to come from more sets. I probably need a few thousand more sets to get past the rAFC level and every time I don't approach a set or practice game, I'm just postponing my progress. If I keep avoiding sets, that it'll just take that much longer to become a PUA. Instead of 2-3 years, it might take 5-6 years. For every set that I approach, I improve my game slightly. I learn calibration, I get more comfortable with my material, and I feel good. I do realize that getting rejected is that bad. I'm also starting to frame the rejection better. After the Starbuck's failure, I blamed my game. I used to tell myself that I got rejected b/c she thought I was a loser. I worried that I'd never be able to attract women. Now, I just realize that it's my game. All I have to do it approach more sets and I'll fix my problems.
Game on always:
While I make a lot of approaches now, I seem to have an on-off button for my game. When I decide that I'm going out sarging, I get myself into a state where I'm ready to approach. When I'm out running errands or hitting the gym, I'm in an off state. I need to put myself into a default "on" state. There are women working at the gym and working out. I don't need to run game like I normally would on sets, but I need to get friendly. I need to say, "Hi" to everyone. I focused on that early in the game b/c I needed to get more comfortable with social situations in general, but lately, I've been feeling that it's not worth the effort. I now realize that every bit of practice helps. I also should be friendly and flirtatious with all the hired guns I run into, especially the ones that I'll see frequently. If I run good game at the gym girls, eventually some of them will really start to like me.
RPG goals:
I always loved how you knew how many experience points or tasks you needed to complete in a roleplaying game to get to the next level. Of course, it's hard to define the levels in this PUA game, but I think it might be useful to just set some temporary and long term goals. I had fun counting approaches and now I'm going to do it again. I had a problem defining approaches, but I think I have a solution. I'm going to define an approach as a genuine attempt to run game. If I open a girl and she busts out my opener, that counts an approach. Just saying, "Hi" with no real attempt to run game is not an approach, but I'm going to start counting that. I figure if I give myself some numbers to check off, I'll get more into the game, much like I've gotten into RPG's in the past.
-Say "Hi" to 400 guys
-Say "Hi" to 300 girls
-Make 100 approaches
-Get day 2's that don't flake
-Get 1 lay
I think those are reasonable goals, but some of them are probably too easy. Saying, "Hi" is simple, but at least this will force me to do that. I'm going to keep a running count of each thing. I'll also track # closes and the percentage of flakes.
