Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Everthing Intertwines with Inner Game
I felt pretty good for the past few days. It's funny b/c I haven't even hit a winning streak in poker. I thought that's what it would take to get me back on track. All I've done is stop the hemmoraging. I've broke even for the past few sessions, but I've actually been able to put in some serious sessions without getting pissed or distraught.
What has changed my mood?
Well, not losing has helped, but I think I've changed my attitude. I've been doing my best not to entertain negative thoughts. Over the past three months, I did the opposite. I pondered those thoughts and I really do think that entertaining them leads you to believe them. I told myself that I suck at sarging, suck at poker, and suck at life. Very depressing stuff.
I worked out Saturday. That felt great. Then, I went to Chinatown for the birthday dinner. It felt good to socialize as I hadn't been talking to anyone besides my mother. I played Saturday and I just decided that I needed to believe in myself. I hit a good streak at the beginning of my poker session, but then ended up losing for the night. Strangely, I was still in a good mood. A good player is supposed to not let his results affect his mood. Check that one. Also, as I felt more confident while I was playing, I played better. I was more agressive and I see how I cost myself money by being passive and just absorbing bets.
On Monday, I worked out and worked. Today, I worked out and went to dinner with a Flyertalker.
When I was riding that wave, these things would seem like normal events and they are, except that my mood had been taking a dive after any high points (as small as they were). I now realize how everything is related. It starts at inner game, and everything weaves itself together and snowballs towards either the positive or the negative. I started having a better attitude and believing in myself (that's the core of inner game). I started eating better. I noticed that when I was sick, I just ate more. I know that when I don't work out, I try to replicate the good feelings that I get through food, and it's completely counterproductive. I feel worse b/c I know I'm getting fatter. My body feels lethargic from too much food. I need to sleep more and I don't feel like working out b/c I feel like I'm tired all the time. That causes me to eat more to try to make myself feel better.
As I feel better from not being lethargic, I find that I want to work out. As I work out I feel better about myself and I want to eat better. My body feels better and I find that I need less sleep. Since I'm sleeping less, I have more time in the day, which includes time for working out.
I just have to make sure I maintain this momentum. I know that I can get busted up at work on any given day, and I need to make sure that won't affect my mood. I need to forget about mistakes I've made this past year and focus on doing the right thing.
As Sidegames used to tell me, which he learned from AA:
I have to take things on day at a time.
I'm not going to repair all that I've messed up, but I can make sure that today, I'm going to move in the right direction. If I move in the right direction each day, no matter how small of a move it is, then I can be happy that I'm making progress. I need to remember that I can't move backwards. I can't entertain those negative thoughts as that's moving the wrong way. As I've seen firsthand, it's easy to sink into a dark hole when you let yourself move in the wrong direction.
I felt pretty good for the past few days. It's funny b/c I haven't even hit a winning streak in poker. I thought that's what it would take to get me back on track. All I've done is stop the hemmoraging. I've broke even for the past few sessions, but I've actually been able to put in some serious sessions without getting pissed or distraught.
What has changed my mood?
Well, not losing has helped, but I think I've changed my attitude. I've been doing my best not to entertain negative thoughts. Over the past three months, I did the opposite. I pondered those thoughts and I really do think that entertaining them leads you to believe them. I told myself that I suck at sarging, suck at poker, and suck at life. Very depressing stuff.
I worked out Saturday. That felt great. Then, I went to Chinatown for the birthday dinner. It felt good to socialize as I hadn't been talking to anyone besides my mother. I played Saturday and I just decided that I needed to believe in myself. I hit a good streak at the beginning of my poker session, but then ended up losing for the night. Strangely, I was still in a good mood. A good player is supposed to not let his results affect his mood. Check that one. Also, as I felt more confident while I was playing, I played better. I was more agressive and I see how I cost myself money by being passive and just absorbing bets.
On Monday, I worked out and worked. Today, I worked out and went to dinner with a Flyertalker.
When I was riding that wave, these things would seem like normal events and they are, except that my mood had been taking a dive after any high points (as small as they were). I now realize how everything is related. It starts at inner game, and everything weaves itself together and snowballs towards either the positive or the negative. I started having a better attitude and believing in myself (that's the core of inner game). I started eating better. I noticed that when I was sick, I just ate more. I know that when I don't work out, I try to replicate the good feelings that I get through food, and it's completely counterproductive. I feel worse b/c I know I'm getting fatter. My body feels lethargic from too much food. I need to sleep more and I don't feel like working out b/c I feel like I'm tired all the time. That causes me to eat more to try to make myself feel better.
As I feel better from not being lethargic, I find that I want to work out. As I work out I feel better about myself and I want to eat better. My body feels better and I find that I need less sleep. Since I'm sleeping less, I have more time in the day, which includes time for working out.
I just have to make sure I maintain this momentum. I know that I can get busted up at work on any given day, and I need to make sure that won't affect my mood. I need to forget about mistakes I've made this past year and focus on doing the right thing.
As Sidegames used to tell me, which he learned from AA:
I have to take things on day at a time.
I'm not going to repair all that I've messed up, but I can make sure that today, I'm going to move in the right direction. If I move in the right direction each day, no matter how small of a move it is, then I can be happy that I'm making progress. I need to remember that I can't move backwards. I can't entertain those negative thoughts as that's moving the wrong way. As I've seen firsthand, it's easy to sink into a dark hole when you let yourself move in the wrong direction.
