Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Job Opportunity:
One of my good friends is aware of my current struggles. He was doing some work at this insurance agency and he decided to see if they had any entry level positions open. They do indeed, and he told me about this offer. If I took the job, I'd be doing crappy clerical stuff, but supposedly there is opportunity for advancement. I seriously contemplated taking the offer, but in the end I've decided against it. While I driving home from the gym the other day, an old White Snake song came on the radio and I felt like it fit in well as a theme song for my life and choices at this point. The song was "Here I go Again on My Own."
My friend and my mother can't understand why I won't take this job. As tempting as it might be, I think I can't give up on this. I can think of several reasons. The first thought that came to mind is that I didn't want to become a "working stiff." That's a term that my friend Jake uses to describe working a real job. That thought is common among people in our profession or among self-employed people in general. Self-employed people often end up putting in more work and hours than they ever would in a regular job, but they find pride in their own work that they don't in working a regular job. I think in the short term, I'd probably make more by taking my friend's job offer, but I still believe and have past evidence to show that I can make a decent living doing what I'm doing. Besides, if I wanted a real job, then I should have just entered the work force years ago and I'd probably be making good money now.
I told my friend that money isn't everything. In my younger days, I always thought people who said that were full of shit, but I've gotten wiser over the years. I can see an alternate version of myself. If I had gone the regular job route, I'd probably be completely comfortable with my finances, but I don't think I'd necessarily be happy. Too many people get caught up in making money that they forget that life is about being happy and doing what makes you happy. For a few fortunate few, they find fulfillment in something they do and earn a boatload of money (take a NFL quarterback or a CEO, for example). My friend in question is comfortable with his fianances now, but I doubt he can say that he's living a dream or that his work is truly what he'd want to do with his life.
If I take that job offer, I know that I'll always be wondering if I could have made it on my own. I'm sure that thought would either always bother me, or I'd end up leaving the job so I could pursue my dream. When things go badly, I wonder if this really is a dream. It sure can be extremely frustrating and depressing at times, but it can be equally wonderful at the other extreme. If I can make this happen, then I think I would be living a dream. I get to play games for a living and support myself. I get to set my own schedule and find time for working out and sarging.
I've thought about the money situation. Perhaps, with effort, I can make more at this than I could at a real job, but I think I'd be happy making mediocre wages just so I could live this lifestyle. I just want to make enough money to survive and save a little. That's all.
Drive and Effort:
The disbelievers would like to tell me that I don't exactly have a perfect track record. I'll admit to making poor life decisions, such as not working for weeks on end and putting myself in bad situations as a result. They want me to give up and become a working stiff. In the past few weeks, I've isolated myself and indulged that "woe is me" attitude. My blogs have shown some signs of optimism, but those were just brief spikes in my mostly depressed state. I do feel like things are turning around because I now have just about everything moving in the right direction. I just need to open some sets and sarging can be on track too. :)
I've forced myself to believe in myself. I've had to remember that nothing worthwhile comes easy. If it were easy to play for a living, sarge, and be physically fit, everyone would do it. If such things were easy, then there would be no value in achieving them. Also, I'll repeat the quote I've heard (don't know the source), that those who succeed just never gave up. Life is going to beat you down and throw you setbacks. You have to stand back up and use those setbacks as opportunity to improve yourself. This is standard inner game stuff, but for the first time in months I'm starting to believe it.
Take losing my phone. That was a pain in the ass, but I know now it was good that I lost it. I got a better phone with internet access. I was paying separately for my laptop access, and now I have it on my phone. I now save money because I cancelled my DSL. My T-mobile SDA lets me hook up either computer to the internet and the speed is about as fast as my DSL was when I first got it. I've saving money on DSL, then, and I'm going to cancel my home phone this month. Well, I'm going to port the number and add it to my Family Plan for $9.99+tax, which is better than paying $20+ for the stupid land line that has no voice mail or caller ID.
The past few months have made me stronger in many ways. I believe if I can just keep things moving in the right direction, in six months I'll again feel like I'm really living my dreams.
One of my good friends is aware of my current struggles. He was doing some work at this insurance agency and he decided to see if they had any entry level positions open. They do indeed, and he told me about this offer. If I took the job, I'd be doing crappy clerical stuff, but supposedly there is opportunity for advancement. I seriously contemplated taking the offer, but in the end I've decided against it. While I driving home from the gym the other day, an old White Snake song came on the radio and I felt like it fit in well as a theme song for my life and choices at this point. The song was "Here I go Again on My Own."
My friend and my mother can't understand why I won't take this job. As tempting as it might be, I think I can't give up on this. I can think of several reasons. The first thought that came to mind is that I didn't want to become a "working stiff." That's a term that my friend Jake uses to describe working a real job. That thought is common among people in our profession or among self-employed people in general. Self-employed people often end up putting in more work and hours than they ever would in a regular job, but they find pride in their own work that they don't in working a regular job. I think in the short term, I'd probably make more by taking my friend's job offer, but I still believe and have past evidence to show that I can make a decent living doing what I'm doing. Besides, if I wanted a real job, then I should have just entered the work force years ago and I'd probably be making good money now.
I told my friend that money isn't everything. In my younger days, I always thought people who said that were full of shit, but I've gotten wiser over the years. I can see an alternate version of myself. If I had gone the regular job route, I'd probably be completely comfortable with my finances, but I don't think I'd necessarily be happy. Too many people get caught up in making money that they forget that life is about being happy and doing what makes you happy. For a few fortunate few, they find fulfillment in something they do and earn a boatload of money (take a NFL quarterback or a CEO, for example). My friend in question is comfortable with his fianances now, but I doubt he can say that he's living a dream or that his work is truly what he'd want to do with his life.
If I take that job offer, I know that I'll always be wondering if I could have made it on my own. I'm sure that thought would either always bother me, or I'd end up leaving the job so I could pursue my dream. When things go badly, I wonder if this really is a dream. It sure can be extremely frustrating and depressing at times, but it can be equally wonderful at the other extreme. If I can make this happen, then I think I would be living a dream. I get to play games for a living and support myself. I get to set my own schedule and find time for working out and sarging.
I've thought about the money situation. Perhaps, with effort, I can make more at this than I could at a real job, but I think I'd be happy making mediocre wages just so I could live this lifestyle. I just want to make enough money to survive and save a little. That's all.
Drive and Effort:
The disbelievers would like to tell me that I don't exactly have a perfect track record. I'll admit to making poor life decisions, such as not working for weeks on end and putting myself in bad situations as a result. They want me to give up and become a working stiff. In the past few weeks, I've isolated myself and indulged that "woe is me" attitude. My blogs have shown some signs of optimism, but those were just brief spikes in my mostly depressed state. I do feel like things are turning around because I now have just about everything moving in the right direction. I just need to open some sets and sarging can be on track too. :)
I've forced myself to believe in myself. I've had to remember that nothing worthwhile comes easy. If it were easy to play for a living, sarge, and be physically fit, everyone would do it. If such things were easy, then there would be no value in achieving them. Also, I'll repeat the quote I've heard (don't know the source), that those who succeed just never gave up. Life is going to beat you down and throw you setbacks. You have to stand back up and use those setbacks as opportunity to improve yourself. This is standard inner game stuff, but for the first time in months I'm starting to believe it.
Take losing my phone. That was a pain in the ass, but I know now it was good that I lost it. I got a better phone with internet access. I was paying separately for my laptop access, and now I have it on my phone. I now save money because I cancelled my DSL. My T-mobile SDA lets me hook up either computer to the internet and the speed is about as fast as my DSL was when I first got it. I've saving money on DSL, then, and I'm going to cancel my home phone this month. Well, I'm going to port the number and add it to my Family Plan for $9.99+tax, which is better than paying $20+ for the stupid land line that has no voice mail or caller ID.
The past few months have made me stronger in many ways. I believe if I can just keep things moving in the right direction, in six months I'll again feel like I'm really living my dreams.
